I know I keep posting that I've seen over the past week, some of the most beautiful and awesome places in America (please pronounce that with a Presidential accent), but our final destination outside of Denver, CO, could not go without mention either. The magnificence of Mt. Evans could not have been a more fitting end to the Reverse Oregon Trail because we viewed it's majesty on America's (are you keeping up with your accent?) Independence Day.
We drove... and drove... and drove... to get to Denver where we checked into a super rad hotel that is both dog-friendly and LGBT-friendly, so we knew we were guaranteed supurb service and excellent decor. Indeed, they had the freaking fuzziest cow blankets strewn across the ends of the beds which perfectly complimented the twenty-foot tall curtains accenting the subtleties of the carpet pattern. Lord.
I seriously thought our second destination would not even come close to rivaling the amazeballsness of The Most Beautiful Place on Earth. But it was SO RAD. Here's why.
1. "It means what you think it means." is what The Aerialist told us as she read the Wikipedia entry on The Grand Tetons, because we couldn't keep our eyes off them. They're so beautiful. We went from a gorgeous Oregon to a beautiful Idahoming. And we needed detes on why in the world they're called the Grand Tetons. I will refrain from giving my opinion on this name or it's etymology. Because they look like this.
Happy Birthdays all around this week. Not only is it our nation's special day... Happy Bday Lady Liberty...
but yesterday was also my Grandma's 90th birthday! That's right, Ninety, and still counting! Happy Birthday to the noblest lady I know. So vital and full of life. You're an inspiration. Keep on growing, girl.
I was in oregon. I really liked it there. There were trails, and trash cans, and coasts, and fountains, and caitlins, and margarets, and slugs, and sticks, and apples, and visitors. I am on a road trip. I would like to get in the front with my mom, but it's not allowed.I wind around and curl up and go to sleep. Or I stretch completely out across the whole backseat. There's a horse we just passed. What's that smell? I have a hurt foot. We went to the grand tetons yesterday because I wanted to. We swam in a big bath tub that had moving water. It was hard. I hurt my foot. Jackson hole is a dump. I hate that place. We went back to driggs because I wanted to. There was a lady at the campfire and there was something funny about her. But then I liked her. We just passed a smell. What's that smell? I'm tired. We are going to denver because I want to. It's nice that oikos makes yogurt containers that are easier to lick clean than yoplait. I hate yoplait. What's that smell? I don't like to be alone. Ann and andee went in a store in jackson hole and it took years and years for them to come back, but I waited. I hate jackson hole. Everyone loves me. There was a man at signal mountain who was eating a roast beef sandwhich on rye with mayo, tomato, lettuce, and swiss. Everyone loves me and I can easily fit onto beds and laps and chairs and pretty much anywhere and not take up much room. I'm thirsty. What's that smell? There is a wonderful container full of ends of foods and coffee filters and banana peels that my mom leaves for me everyday in oregon. She sets up obstacle courses to keep other people out of it besides me so that I can have it all to myself. I know she'll have one in chicago too. There's another horse. My best friend in columbia was a horse because people and horses can be friends. We are going to st. joseph after denver because I want to. They love me there. What's that smell?
YOU GUYS. I mean seriously.
I made The Doctor and The Aerialist google "Neville Longbottom now" once we were again in civilization and had access to the Internet. As I suspected, they were startled by his sexiness.
"So who are your top three celebrities you would marry?" The Doctor asked.
"Mine would be Bruce Campbell when he was younger," The Aerialist replied, "Richard Ayoade from The IT Crowd the TV show, and really any of the IT guys.
The Doctor said she would choose Ryan Gosling and really any hot comedian.
I'd never heard of the IT Crowd, and only know who Ryan Gosling is because when I visited The Doctor back in February, I asked her who that guy about whom everyone makes FB meme. Appalled, she made me watch Crazy Stupid Love. And indeed, Ryan Gosling is gorgillious. But I had bigger problems than properly identifying Ryan Gosling as the most amazing man in America. I couldn't think of any male celebrities... except ones I maybe would have replied with fifteen years ago. I held my tongue knowing that these names would not only date me, but expose me to the ridicule of my complete dissociation from pop culture.
The decision to awake at 3:30 to pack the car, drive to the Crater Lake Rim, and watch the sunrise was a difficult one that I left to The Doctor and The Aerialist. I'm in this for the adventure, and the three hours of sleep that event would have afforded us would have affected my decision. Apparently it affected their decision too. We slept all the way through the night and left the next morning at a normal hour for what shall hereto be known as The Most Beautiful Place on Earth.
Actually, that's not true... about the sleeping through the night thing I mean. Sophie woke her mother up four times distraught about why they had packed their entire life into a car and driven to Southern Oregon. I too frequently awoke from disturbing dreams of puppets chasing me around a burning house. Not even puppets. They're those cardstock animations with circle hinges at the joints so you can thumbtack them into the wall in different positions.
Once The Aerialist and I arrived in Portland it actually took us quite a while to get going. The Doctor had to do a walk-thru on her apartment, we had to go to the grocery store to get food for the trip (remember those tricky aerialist allergies?), we needed to say goodbye to My Person's daughter, and of course, we had to go to the Columbia outlet.
While the Aerialist and I had been waiting for The Doctor to finish up at her apt., we walked up Hawthorne Street sipping smoothies and talking about delicious food we can't eat. In addition, she made the brilliant suggestion that we get matching Portlandian tattoos. I said no way jose. Matching piercings? Sure. The Doctor and I had already done that once in college.
Fast forward a couple hours to after The Doctor had unloaded a queen blowup bed and some dress clothes on My Person's daughter, and the three of us were at the Columbia outlet eying the 70%off already discounted shoes.
The end result? You guessed it. Matching hiking tennis shoes.
And after finally getting on the road and driving several hours south, we grabbed socks and strapped our feet in. Our destination? The top of Smith Rock.