Tuesday, July 26, 2005

life is crazy right now. crazy. i helped sabrina clean house to get ready to put it on the market on thursday and cut my finger on a cactus. then i went to top drawer where i volunteer and shot off part of another finger with the pricing gun. so two bandaids and two boo boo's later, i look like a nerd. rough day on the hands.

rough weekend for the soul too. i am packing my life's collections into brown cardboard boxes to re-dump in the Eades garage. sigh. how can i be moving back to waco and returning to my job at the buzz? i'm rooming with a 9 year old.

actually, it'll be great. i'm just so emotional right now . . . packing, moving, trying to find a job, (the right job), receiving love and words of wishes from my friends. how can i feel so old and feel so young at the same time? when will life begin?

except that i've got it all wrong, and its already begun. mine just doesn't look like everyone else's. well, it looks more like the lives of my friends here in austin . . . but it certainly doesn't look like anyone's that i went to college with. they have careers, houses, salaries, stability, husbands and children even. strange how we could be the same age and have the same education and yet be in such different places.

but blah blah blah. everyone down here is thinking "i've heard this before. it's the same old same old. write something new or funny." and everyone up there (missouri and beyond) is thinking, "get a job you freak."

oh well. the melting pot of my life. god only knows what'll get thrown in next.


Erin said...

Take heart. Despite what some may say, it takes great courage and spirit to live in limbo, to live on faith. Sometimes you have to be at The Buzz (or Whole Foods, or whatever your Buzz may be) to simply meet the day to day while holding out for what will be your life's work. From Austin to Waco to Michigan, Florida or whatever other church across the country (across the world?) snatches you up, you are in good company. And for the record, most of us don't feel the age we are (for most of us, it's the same odd combination of feeling so much older and still so much younger.).

Mox said...

You have never taken the conventional path--why start now? I know it must feel really frustrating to be in this "between" stage, or feel that you are not caught up to other people your age. The truth is the other people your age you might compare yourself to could be feeling just as lost or confused as you despite the fact that they have the "right" job, house, etc. So, you just have to do things on your own terms and have faith. Keep your chin up. Thinking of you.

lynnette said...

do you remember the message about Ruth in a "liminal" place? sounds like you're in one of those times. as crazy and confusing as it can be, hold on. sometimes you can find moments that make sense and eventually a direction in which to head.

jenA said...

darling, listen to your wise friends. I'm in a lemonal phase miself. But I welcome you to limbo with open arms ....

Damon Hargraves said...

Hey Ann,
Heidi and I have made it to Alaska. Check out my blog to learn the latest
We're pretty excited.