I clicked on 36 blogs today looking for memories, stories, anything I could feast on. Memories other than mine, ones that would make me smile. Not that mine don't make me smile (or guffaw), but sometimes remembering can be difficult. It requires a journey backward when we try so hard to go forward (read: forget). Not all anniversaries are pleasant. Some require remembering things we wish had never happened. Other anniversaries are full of joy. This anniversary, I oscillated between the two: sadness and joy. That's a good step, I think.
Craig gave me a little bit of both. I should have expected that.
He was mentioned last night at the Friends of Truett dinner at the BGCT convention. It startled me. I was having a typical boring convention day, then attended the delicious dinner for the sake of free food, then schmoozed with some people, and then he was there, staring at me, grinning. Grinning and dead. And he had an award named after him.
I didn't cry. Sometimes when I'm startled, I cry. But I just sat there, remembering, and trying not to remember.
Shit. Now I'm remembering again... the worst parts... the viewing... the casket.
See, that's why I went to 36 blogs. I guess it still freaks me out. And I don't want to panic or be sad - just remember and be thankful and remember that we're all on this journey together - no one's really gone.
So thanks Craig, and thanks Kyle. Tell God I said hello and thanks for the memories.