Thursday, July 06, 2006

A friend emailed this to me. Just so that I take all the blame for posting this, he shall remain anonymous...

The devil is in the details.

Dear Friend,

Thanks very much for reminding me that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states that homosexuality is an abomination. I would like some further advice, however, regarding some other laws and how to best follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as suggested in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus (Ex 35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, and if so, how should I do that?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or are correctable defects in vision excluded from the aforementioned proscription.?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm on which he violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. His wife likewise violates Leviticus by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (a cotton/polyester blend). Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Leviticus 20:14)?

Thanks very much for your help, and thanks again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


Mark said...

Your friend has an interesting and cynical way of proving their point. But what I might tell your friend is that just as the discussion about homosexuality isn't as simple as obeying Leviticus 18:22, it is also not as simplistic as throwing out the book of Leviticus. Interpretation is indeed a tough thing as you and I know.

And while I applaud your friends objection to a ban on homosexuality based solely on that passage in Leviticus, I caution against the tone in which the post was written.

If we desire humility and generosity from those with whom we disagree, we must also be willing to be humble and generous about our own view of scripture.

Mark said...

PS. Is there any church planting happening in Austin these days?

Jessizle said...

I actually read this already on the Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua page. Sometimes satire is the best way to point out a flawed arguement!

Anonymous said...

I wish I could see the original email from "friend". I noticed that all the scripture listed here is Old Testament Law, which we were freed from through Christ's death. Homosexuality is clearly listed as a sin in the NEW Testament (i.e. Romans 1:26-27). I'm not saying we should treat these people any differently than all sinners (which we ALL are), but I'm not sure if you're trying to say that homosexuality is not a sin. Anyway, I'm just confused as to what the relevance of this post is and would like to know your take on this, Reverand Ann.

Sam Davidson said...

Hilarious! I love it!