I can't believe this is happening.

I feel like I'm getting married.

Except I don't have a dress, and my hair hasn't been cut, let alone colored and I've not written my vows.

Except I'm not. Getting married, I mean.

But it is incomplete. At least it feels like that. Sort of. There are so many blessings. My grandparents are here, miraculously. Both my sisters and my parents at the same time. Lynnette, Josie, Lance, Julie, all at once. Chris, Michelle, Joy and Peter.

But not Kyle. Not Jeremy. Not David or anyone from UBC now. They're moving into their new building the morning I get ordained. They've changed their interior design and so have I, I guess, but that doesn't mean that old grocery store doesn't still sit inside us, in our memory, informing who we are today.

And so I cried. I cried because my skin got sucked down into the lock of the door when the car reached over 20 mph. I cried because my "word of witness" isn't written yet for Sunday. Because I only have "winter" dress clothes t0 wear to the reception and everyone else got new clothes. Because my hair hasn't been cut since December. Because I don't like working in the children's department. Because I don't have any idea how to talk to mass quantities of children about Jesus. Because I'm tired of going on church trips. Because I leave again in a week. Because I hate high school reunions. Because I am so stressed that I started early. Because I got my damn skin pinched in the damn door lock. Because I feel totally unprepared for my wedding day.

But she will be the bride of Christ. And she will be redeemed nonetheless. With or without a summer dress. With or without spit-ends in her hair. With or without her witness written. With our without you.

That I will be good with or without you, she sang last night.

With or without you, she sang.

And she believes it.

But she cries anyway.