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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Well, that was different.

My mom and I just threw a baby shower for a high school/college friend of mine who is (obviously) pregnant.

Since we grew up together in the church, there were of course church people here at the house. These are the people I am used to seeing once a year. At Christmas. At church. No biggie.

But then arrived Allison Bean and Runae I don't-remember-her-married-name and Elizabeth Buckner Hill, and suddenly I was back in college. Except I wasn't. I was in my house cordially greeting people i used to run around in my underwear with in the dormitory. Well, maybe not Allison and Runae, but E for sure. And it was kind of surreal. It was Buckner, but with children: two of them who sat down in the den my pledgeclass used to gather in once a year to snuggle under blankets, eat taco dip and talk about boys. Except they watched The Polar Express and played with blocks. E has offspring.

I have cats.

And I realize that a lot of people my age are married and have children, but that is so far from where I am right now (whether I want it to be or not) and so far from streaking the quad in college. How in the world did we get from there to here? Elizabeth was the first person I knew who had a nose ring (way before it was cliche) and now she has kids. I used to write shitty music and sing in bands, now I'm a reverend.

How did we get from there to here?

Little tiny decisions along the way. A scholarship application here, a school there, a date here, a marriage there, volunteering here, getting a job there, and like the little baby growing toes and fingers and organs inside my friend, suddenly all those little decisions we made make a whole person.

Always growing and changing.

"You are a beautiful, single professional..." I theraputically repeated to myself as I dressed for the party and snuck a shot of tequila with my equally beautiful, single, professional sister. No pressure. You're not married - no biggie. Marriage sucks for most people. You're not having babies - thank god. They're very expensive and get in the way of your career. Plus there's no room in your house for a crib, let alone a husband if you want to take the traditional route and go marriage then kids. But you could adopt. You've always wanted to. Once you get a stable job. Then you'll be a beautiful, single professional mother...

What the?

What was I thinking? Since when does marriage and motherhood make you whole? I admit, it's a goal of mine, and a worthy one, but I'm not incomplete because I haven't crossed that line yet. Sheesh.

Little decisions take us places. Some little decisons carry more weight than others, but they're all baby steps to being. Being. And whether it's running around my dormitory in my underwear or writing sermons, the little decisions to be who we are make us unique.

And so I will be uniquely me.

Beautiful, single, professional me.

3 comments:

jenA said...

WELL SAID, Sister Suffragette.
My dad once offered to bring me an orphan back from Russia.
Do a shot for me.

robbins said...

professional... too bad,i was hoping you would maintain your amateur status so as to compete in the 2008 olympics

thats what i'm doing anyway

Anonymous said...

Annie P, I haven't laughed that hard in a while. I believe this is my blog debut. I love it! And YES, we did run around in our underwear! I long for those pre-stretchmark days! I heard a song on NPR about becoming a parent and the title was something like "you ruined my life in the nicest sort of way." I am in complete agreement with that. Kids ruin the life you know only to lead you in an expedition that blows your mind and leaves you very tired.