Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Who Would You Marry and Other Car Games

"So who are your top three celebrities you would marry?" The Doctor asked.

"Mine would be Bruce Campbell when he was younger," The Aerialist replied, "Richard Ayoade from The IT Crowd the TV show, and really any of the IT guys.

The Doctor said she would choose Ryan Gosling and really any hot comedian.

I'd never heard of the IT Crowd, and only know who Ryan Gosling is because when I visited The Doctor back in February, I asked her who that guy about whom everyone makes FB meme.  Appalled, she made me watch Crazy Stupid Love.  And indeed, Ryan Gosling is gorgillious.  But I had bigger problems than properly identifying Ryan Gosling as the most amazing man in America.  I couldn't think of any male celebrities... except ones I maybe would have replied with fifteen years ago.  I held my tongue knowing that these names would not only date me, but expose me to the ridicule of my complete dissociation from pop culture.

"Alternately," the Aerialist continued, "who would you go gay for?"  She listed her top two: Catherine Tate and Allison Brie.  I'd never heard of either of these women.  "My boyfriend," (as she is only 33, The Aerialist can still use the term boyfriend) "has a fantastic list: Patrick Stewart during the Star Trek days, and Christopher Kimball from America's Test Kitchen.  The Doctor and the Aerialist thought this was hilarious, but I, of course, had never heard of Chris or his kitchen.

"I would marry Patrick Stewart," I said.  And then considered other social activitist/celebrities I would marry... Matt Damon (which only raised an argument over which Good Will Hunting actor was still cute - Matt or Ben Affleck.  The Doctor and Ben Afflect won)... and basically any of the men on NPR (I again refrained from sharing this for fear of cultural irelevancy).

The Doctor said said, "Speaking of Ben Afflect, I'd go gay for Jennifer Garner, Rooney Mara or basically any girl spy."

I was behind on both lists.  Finally, I thought of a male celebrity that I thought would be a good one.  "Aiden from Sex and the City.  I'd marry him.  What's his real name?"

"THE WALGREEN'S GUY?!" The Doctor gasped.  I had obviously choosen the wrong door.

"John Corbett," the Aerialist filled in the details.

"How low do you have to stoop to do a Walgreen's commercial?"

"Well, I like him." I defended myself.  "He was good on The United States of Tara too you know."
I continued to think ("Redeem yourself, Ann!") and prompted myself with questions.  What TV shows and movies do you love?  Ally McBeal and Harry Potter.

"Neville Longbottom!" I shouted to the car.

"NEVILLE?!" They shouted back.

I instantly regretted this confession.  "You guys, he turned out really hot.  Way hotter than Harry did."  They hooted and hollered.

"Ann, you just chose the Walgreen's guy and Neville Longbottom.  Good grief," the Doctor said.

Our game was over.

Conversation continued throughout the next 472 miles (this was day two) and consisted of favorite nail polish brands, favorite This American Life episodes, how appropriate it is to meet up with exes, the most effective uses for Coconut Oil, when selfies can be posted on FB, and "Sophie updates."

"I need an update from the backseat," The Doctor said while driving.

"Sophie update!" I chimed in from the passenger side.

"She's snoring," was The Aerialist's response.  Other responses throughout the trip have included: she's snuggling, she's tired, she's dreaming, she's drooling, she's smiling.  The usual dog in a car ride update.

"You know coconut oil is good for cuticles," The Aerialist remembered, circulating back to our fingernail conversation.

"That reminds me," I said, "I need to stop somewhere and buy sunblock (you guys, you can get sunburned riding in a car), aloe, fingernail polish remover, and a new color of fingernail polish that matches our matching tennis shoes."

"I'm sure we can find a Walgreen's," The Doctor said.  And I should have seen this one coming. "Maybe you'll see your boyfriend there."


Anonymous said...

Hey, I like John Corbett too, totally on your side. And a national commercial is money after all, ha! :)

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