I'm not thrilled with my current job; I can't tell a lie. Subbing at Johnston High School is bringing me down. Although my students provide interesting scenarios for sermons and blogs, they are driving me crazy.
It's the chaos I can't handle, the loud attitudes. Check out what's been said to me:
"Get up off my nuts, miss!"
"I'll throw your skinny ass in the trash can."
"Ooh, I like my women rough."
Not to mention the "f*ck this"es and the "b*tch"es and the "hoe"s. It's driving me nuts. They are generally so loud and so disresptful that one time last week I finally just sat at the teacher's desk, put my head in my hands and gave up. I can't control the chaos. I've even had a nightmare about school recently. Pure insanity.
It's not that my self-esteem or my sense of self worth is affected by the lame or rude comments they say to me, it's just that the negativity is enough to make me lose my mind. Twice last week I almost walked out of a classroom to quit my job.
I admit, there are sweet students too. There's one kid that I've only had twice in class, but he knows me by name and calls out to me in the hallway every time I see him. My supervisor told me on Friday that that's the only time she's seen that kid smile. That makes me feel good. Then there are students who nod at me in the hallway, like to have me as a sub, shake hands with me, even one who is going to bring yarn to school for me to knit him a scarf!!
But they are the minority. And the majority is killing me. Needless to say, this had thwarted my aspirations to be a High School English teacher, and motivated me to crack down on applying for PhD school.
Maybe college kids are the way to go.
Or maybe I need a whole new profession. Know any churches who need a pastor?
I'm unemployed as of May 15th again anyway.
Great. From one great chaos to another.
I love the real world.