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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I just watched In Good Company a great flic with Dennis Quaid and the girl from Girl With A Pearl Earring and Lost In Translation. As I said, it was good. Pretty funny and heartwarming. But if I'm really honest with myself, it gave me anxiety.

I'm only one year older than the kid who gets the big corporate promotion and takes over as Dennis Quaid's boss. He talks about being "scared shitless" and having "no idea what he's doing." He drinks like 8 cups of coffee and then heads a board meeting stuttering and spounting out phrases like "awesome" and "are you totally psyched". It was one of those moments when the audience gets that horrible, stomach turning, I'm-hurting-cause-he's-making-a-fool-of-himself moments. It was Bridget Jones at the microphone introducing Mr. Fittsherbert. And all of the sudden, I experience a rush panic over my body as I realized that could be me in a board room at a church trying to discuss budgets and God and relationships with a group of men who have been "doing church" for years and years.

What am I thinking? I can't do this! I'm a good preacher. I'm a good writer. I'm a good teacher. But I can't "run" a church. I don't know the first thing about that sort of crap. Yeah, I took the classes but, please! Can you just picture me and a bunch of guys with grey hair staring at each other across the Bible, the budget, a couple cups of coffee and the church bylaws?

I may be getting in way over my head.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ann, i actually can picture you "running" a church, and everyone in the church would adore you. They would all be thinking to themselves "Gee, Ann Pittman is just THE coolest person I know, and I love listening to her because shes just so fabulous. " They will all bow down before you and yell "We're not worthy." And those grey haired men in the board room will think you "do church" better than anyone they've ever seen before.

Ann said...

thank you anonymous.

sourmonkey said...

From one anxiety laden individual to another, I know EXACTLY how you feel. My palms are sweaty right now just thinking about it....really. But you know what I've discovered? Once you get there, in that board room, in front of that classroom, or in that situation, it's okay. People are a lot more forgiving than I think we give them credit for, either that or we think we are going to absolutely DIE and when we don't no amount of mistakes and flubs are as bad as our greatest fears. That's why it's okay.
Having gone through the "I'm in charge, but I don't know what I am doing in front of all these people that don't know me" thing multiple times (I think you have too) doesn't prevent the panic attack anxieties that I have, but it does help me talk myself back down. :)
Love you much and if you need help being talked back down, you have my number!
Love, Bethany

Shanna said...

don't listen to yourself when you feel like that. listen to God and the people who see God in you. if He gave you a gift, why wouldn't He follow through and give you the stuff that goes with "the gift"? No one starts off knowing everything about running anything- not even business men. you learn through experience. you can do anything He wants you to do. ANYTHING.

Michelle said...

Who says it needs to be a bunch of grey-haired guys in the board room? Maybe you will start your own damn church and the board room will be filled with spiked hair, nose pierced, tattoo freaks. And yes, even in front of grey haired men, you will rock, Ann. Why? Because you rock and you know that you have what it takes.

PS I miss you.

Julio said...

Try having Bishops...