Saturday, January 20, 2007

It's been raining for 9 days straight. 9 days.

"9 times."

"9 times?"

"9 times."

"Beep...beep...beep....beep....beep...beep...beeeeeep." And Farris Bueller reduces it on Rooney's computer from 9 days absent to 2 days absent.

Lucky bastard.

I've been absent all week. For unfortately no computer, no matter how smart, can change 9 days of rain or 9 months of bad luck or 9 years of wrong boyfriends in anyone's life.

And so we suck it up buttercup, put our best foot forward, our raincoat on, and keep right on truckin. Sorry for all the mixed metaphors. But I'll take whatever mixers I can get to get me through this mixed up state I'm in.

Remember when I bought that stolen car three years ago? Riiiiight. Unfortunately, I can't talk online about what I'm going through right now, but suffice it to say that the lot of it together is draining me emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally (I have bad dreams).

I can't take many more days of rain. And I sure as hell wouldn't have made it through 40. But 40 may be what i get.

And Zorba and Potter load the ark.

40 days is a long time. 9 days is just the beginning.


Anonymous said...

from where I sit, your life doesn't just doesn't look all that terrible

Anonymous said...

obviously, I don't know what's upsetting you so much. I'll assume it's terrible and distracting. Ann- you need to stop tempting fate. One day the great puppeteers will pay attention, take your job, your house, your loving friends and family, and show you what the phrase "bad day" really means. If you only knew how lucky you are. I, personally, can not fathom being as fortunate as you. I'm not dismissing the terrible, distracting, and unnamed things that are keeping you up at night- but you can't let it steal your perspective. With the tools you've built yourseIf you could survive 40 days. You have given yourself a fabulous life, and you should be proud. We're all proud of you. No more of this "I'm alone" business, okay? It's miles away from being true. Feel free to cry, just make sure a few of those tears are tears of gratitude.

Anonymous said...

Andee is ...really nice.

Ann said...

andee is nice it's true. and often i cry gratitude.

but yesterday i just "cried." not literally, but figuratively. and because i use the bible as the basis for what's okay to do and what's not, i'm going to going ahead and lament. because it's not been a good week for me.

i have my health. (except for the growing pain in my chest). i have a place to go when i don't have heat. i have friends even though i don't have time to see them. i have family though they live far away and i've had boyfrieds. kudos to those men.

but yesterday i was sad. yesterday i lamented. yesterday my chest hurt so bad i couldn't breathe right. yesterday i wasn't not going to count my blessings and pretend to be happy.

and that's biblical so i'm claiming it.

so count your own blessings and quit judging mine.

i'm not wallowing in my sorrow. i'm not asking for your pity. i'm writing an honest prayer, an honest devotional about where i am. and you have the choice to judge it or let it be.


Anonymous said...

Ann...Everyone deals with the struggles of life in different ways, and each of us have different support networks and security blankets (as well as insecurities, hopes, fears, desires...). You're not comparing the importance of your challenges, or their severity, or their global significance to anyone else's.

Surely, you've got a social conscience above reproach.

Tell me you have it harder than the homeless, or hungry, or war-torn, and I'll criticize your woes...In the meantime, I won't judge whether your life looks all that terrible or not.

jenA said...

Anonymous said...

Ann's reality is not living as a homeless person or a war victim or person hungry enough to eat garbage, so you can't ask her to compare her life to that.

Ann's reality is her home, her cats, her job, and her friends. When one of those realities goes ape shit is it hits her hard.

The only thing Ann is doing is venting, and she is asking for some support, based on her life reality.

Ann said...

please also consider that at the end of the rain comes the rainbow. And so perhaps, just perhaps, i'll live out the remaining forty days, in the reality of the rain, but in expectation of the rainbow.