Sometimes I wonder what people say behind my back.

Sometimes I know.

I know they say good things, sometimes they tell me what those are. But they're bound to say bad things too - judgmental things - truthful things - narrow perspective things.

I mean, that's what we do to them, right?

You've been there. You've criticized, generalized, rolled your eyes. And you've been there when they've said things about someone who you love and their comments hit a little to close to home. A couple of friends make fun of one of your bf's and you sort of smile at their generalization, but it stings a little - even if it is a little true. Two types of behind the back, and they both hurt. The only variable is the who.

So don't you wonder what they say about you?

"What a drama queen." Eye roll.
"Well, she blows everything out of proportion." Head shake.
"She's an idealist. She can't have it all." Arms thrown up in the air.
"She couldn't keep a man to save her soul." Coffee sipped with a very knowing look.

Is that what they say behind my back? Those who obviously don't appreciate my drama or love me more for the fact that I make a great queen.

Don't you kind of wonder? Cause I know what they say about you.

And sometimes I want to tell you. Sometimes I want to scream: "Don't you know what they're saying about you? Is that how you want to be known?" I mean really, how can we know unless someone tells us?

But I don't really want to be told, because what they say is usually only half the story.

Sometimes not. Sometimes men really are only all about sex, and they really are that shallow. Sometimes women really do over-react to everything and they really are always paranoid. Sometimes people really are that self-consumed, or that manipulative, or that obsessed, or that narrow-minded, or that fill-in-the-blank.

But sometimes those assessments are only half the story.

I've been criticized at least twice in my life for writing about "drama" on my blog and making it seem like my world is awful just to draw attention to myself. These criticisms make me sad, but they also remind me that people don't know the whole story. I love making people laugh or think and often when I write about men falling through my ceiling or accidentally buying a stolen car or my cat trying to eat my poor fish, I want to communicate not only what is going through my life, but also in a comedic, story-telling way. And sometimes I write about when I am sad and I do that to counteract the false-hood that Christians are always happy-go-lucky people who constantly count their blessings and never grieve. And sometimes I write about ex-boyfriends (always very inconspicuously) because you know everyone can relate to that. :)

So if someone were to say the aforementioned to me, I would know they only know half the story about this story-teller and although the misunderstanding would make me a little sad, I wouldn't stop blogging because of it.

But today as I watched two people criticize someone else with the typical eye roll and head shake, (and even though I agreed with them), I wondered what they say about me behind my back. And I wonder about telling the person they said those things about. How would that person respond?

This is no great commentary on life nor is it a narrative on the depravity of the human existence. I'm just honestly wondering what people say about me behind my back and if they say it in love with a smile (and that's why they love me) or if they count it as a defect in my character. And I wonder what would happen if we all told other people what other people say about them and if it would create total chaos, war and enmity or if it would cause us to pause, do some self-reflection and change.

Because surely some of it is bullshit and easy to write off. But surely some of it is truth too.

Someone at church commented the other day how hard it must be for a minister (me) to point out when people are doing bad or stupid things. I just kept quiet cause unless I've been asked to be the finger-pointer, I don't tend to tell parishioners when I think they're sinning. Geez, I mean, who am I to judge? Hypocritical me. Grace covers them (and me) right? They don't need me to finger-point or even just point out the obvious - right? That's not my job. My job is when they acknowledge their own shortcomings and seek repentance - my job is to remind them that grace has already set them free - to go and sin no more. And I count on my "pastors" to offer me the same reminder of the Truth of Jesus Christ. That's my job right?

Well, I don't know when this blog turned into a job therapy session, and i'll probably delete it tomorrow when I wake up, but these are just some things that popped into my head today when I watched people behind-the-back criticize their friend.

Something we all do every day...