Saturday, October 04, 2008

I wish... More than anything... More than the moon.

dear blog,

i wish i could tell you everything.

i truly wish i could share with you all i'm consdering, all i'm processing, all i'm weeding through in my mind and spirit right now.

i wish i could convey the craving for one of my mother's lemon bars.

i cry almost every day.

i wish i could express how sarah palin makes me feel so dirty. how appalled i am that americans believe that it's okay for a potential president of the united states to say she's working for all the "joe six packs and hockey moms" of the world.

i wish i could tell you all the mistakes my family has made and how we love each other anyway.

i wish i could play the piano.

i wish i could describe my innate intuition towards all things adulterous.

i wish i could explain how much i love alanis morisette.

i would tell you how a bubble bath even without the bubbles is sufficiently soothing as the steaming hot water numbs my body and calms my mind.

i would whisper who has a lump on her breast and who's sleeping with his secretary and who's not sleeping at all.

oh me. the last one's me.

it's october.

i hate october.

i would tell you why but no one seems to think it's very polite to air one's dirty laundry. and the pile in my bedroom is now up past my shoulders. i'm not kidding! maybe i will do laundry tomorrow.

perhaps that's why i love halloween. it falls at the end of october, so there's a constant sense of spiraling to the end. of braving the month and finally caving into coping, into pretending you're someone you're not... rainbow brite, tinkerbell, batgirl.

i wish i could tell you, blog, who i'm not.

i wish i could tell you who i am.


Carol said...

Some wishes you can grant without too much effort! Get the laundry done!! Find someone to take piano lessons from and really apply yourself. This should not take too much of an outlay of cash - surely you can find a piano at church to practice. I have always been sorry that your folks didn't insist on practicing. (Of course, my mother did, and I took piano for 8 years - and I can't play worth sh!! I don't think your family have made too many mistakes - and none that can't be overcome.
That they love one another, and stay in close contact. That is great - some people's family members don't speak to one another!! What a blessing your family is!! Who is ilanis morisette?? Every body loves a bubble bath!COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS - and yearn for things that are within you reach. Carol doesn't have anything to do with this, but I can't figure out how else to send it! Love GM

Anonymous said...

I dislike October too--it seems like a prostitute flauning her bright colors in order to lure you into winter--worse! I have more to tell you about going back to school, but it won't fir into the 300 characters allowed here. Love, Sue Lau

lynnette said...

i hate october too. but i love you.

Michelle said...

I, on the other hand, LOVE October. I always have. Probably because it is the first time since April that we feel a cool breeze and riding a bike in it is actually nice.

Love you Annie-poo and I am glad I know who you are.

Anonymous said...

Every time I read your blog, it reminds me it's okay to cry and be confused sometimes (or for all of October). Thanks for laying it out there. - Stefani

amelia said...

i don't cry every day, but today i went to therapy, started crying, and couldn't stop...for like 3 hours.

i wish things could be lighter for you and me both. love you.