I haven't posted in a while about relationships. That's what happens when you give up men for 85 days and counting.
Actually, that's not true and you know it.
Cause we're always still wondering aren't we? When he'll show up? That knight in shining armor. Damn tardy but on the white horse nonetheless. It happens to everyone so when will it happen to us... to me?
My therapist gave me an assignment last week. "I know this sounds a little 'online dating-ish' but bear with me. I want you to make a list of 'must-haves' and 'can't stands.'"
Ugh.
But every time I do this I start to feel guilty because what if my Mr. Right isn't a Christian? What if he's a spiritualist and we're the perfect grounding for each other: me in religion and him in mystery? Or what if he doesn't like the theater and I teach him to love the theater and then he ends up volunteering on the board for the local community theater? Hell, I watch football now, it happens. People change one another.
And one of my main problems with men is that I usually say yes. "Yes I will go out on a date with you." Sometimes my therapist and I practice saying No back and forth to each other just so I can get used to it. But I often say yes to a date because I feel bad judging people. I feel like I shouldn't pre-judge someone on their job or their looks or what kind of car they drive or if they make too much money or how they voted in the last election. I feel like everyone deserves a chance to be themselves without my judgmental eye. So yeah, I go out with a lot of people.
"But Ann," my therapist said, "this isn't the church. Not everyone gets in. This is your bed. This is who you go to sleep with at night and who you wake up to in the morning. Be judgmental."
Whoa.
"I'll probably write a blog about that."
And now I am because tomorrow I go back to therapy and I've only got three things on my Must Have Can't Stand list and none of those even have to do with religion or God. But what my therapist said feels so profound in my heart. I want to make a list, i just can't get out of my head.
And there's no way in hell I'm telling you what the list is because I don't want to be judge by you, blogworld.
"That's so sad, Ann," my friend Jess said the other night when I shared with her my reservations about telling people about my list. "You shouldn't feel bad about saying what you want."
But I'm still not putting it on here.
At least not right now.
Maybe in a few weeks when I get a little more comfortable in my judgmental skin. But until then, I leave you with this poem which I think is lovely...
As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me?,
you are completely screwed, because
the next question is How Much?,
and then it is hundreds of hours later,
and you are still hunched over
your flowcharts and abacus,
trying to decide if you have gotten enough.
This is the loneliest job in the world:
to be an accountant of the heart.
It is late at night. You are by yourself,
and all around you, you can hear
the sounds of people moving
in and out of love,
pushing the turnstiles, putting
their coins in the slots,
paying the price which is asked,
which constantly changes.
No one knows why.
The Loneliest Job in the World
by Tony Hoagland
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 11... Did You Know?
So for the third year now, today, January 11, is Human Trafficking Awareness Day.
Some of you may have no earthly idea what I'm talking about. Human trafficking is modern day slavery. Yep, it stills exists. But as evil is wont to do, it's made it's way out of the cultural norm (compliments of the Civil War) and into the hidden corners and closets of homes and businesses. Most of human trafficking is sex slavery. But forced labor without pay is another big problem. And this isn't just happening in Eastern Europe.
It's happening in the United States.
And its victims are men, women, college students, teenagers and children. Yep, I said "and children."
This is a website with stories of modern slaves in my own town, Austin, TX. Check it out.
Here's a blog by a friend of mine here in Austin that lists a couple of ways you can help. There's lots of new websites popping up about Human Trafficking too. Keep your eyes open. Keep telling the story. And let's figure out how to stop this atrocity.
Some of you may have no earthly idea what I'm talking about. Human trafficking is modern day slavery. Yep, it stills exists. But as evil is wont to do, it's made it's way out of the cultural norm (compliments of the Civil War) and into the hidden corners and closets of homes and businesses. Most of human trafficking is sex slavery. But forced labor without pay is another big problem. And this isn't just happening in Eastern Europe.
It's happening in the United States.
And its victims are men, women, college students, teenagers and children. Yep, I said "and children."
This is a website with stories of modern slaves in my own town, Austin, TX. Check it out.
Here's a blog by a friend of mine here in Austin that lists a couple of ways you can help. There's lots of new websites popping up about Human Trafficking too. Keep your eyes open. Keep telling the story. And let's figure out how to stop this atrocity.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I Just Couldn't Let It Go
So my father always taught us never to discuss politics or religion with friends. He's probably developed this mantra because he lives in St. Joseph, Missouri and other than my mother, he's the only democrat in his whole 600 member church. So I get it.
But I also get really riled up about climate change. It is the number one issue that I'm passionate about. And I'm passionate about a lot of things.
So when I saw the following post on facebook, "I'd like to know how that study on Global Warming is going," my father's advice echoed through my head. Then I remembered that I have 1,045 friends on facebook and this is a girl that I apparently went to High School with who married a boy I went to Grade School with. We're not exactly close. So I didn't think my father's advice about "friends" was exactly applicable.
I joined in on the conversation which went as follows...
Amie: I'd like to know how that study on Global Warming is going
Richard: Obviously it is a hoax!!
Jada: ha ha good one aim
Deb: NO GLOBAL WARMING GOING ON HERE.
Ann Catherine Pittman: actually global warming causes an imbalance in the climate which yes, causes crazy stuff like an arctic freeze to sweep across america. it's actually really scary that it's 20 degrees in texas and that we've managed to destroy our environment to the point that this would happen.
Keli: ...I don't buy it
Kappy: Yes, Ann. That's what I remember from back in the 80's when my science classes were explaining what would happen by the year 2000 if we didn't do something now. Can any of you remember being on tornado warning this fall? I don't think we had one time that we had to head down to the basement. So... who got those tornadoes? Tennesee/Kentucky - places that don't usually see them. Things are a-changing! But I don't miss the tornadoes...
Richard: The scientist have admitted that Global Warming is a HOAX
Kappy: Not according to CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/01/19/eco.globalwarmingsurvey/
Keli: The media is part of the problem
Janis: do you think global warming is the reason I get hot flashes?
Richard: The media is always the problem
Amie: Janis, I don't think the environment has anything to do with your hormones.... sorry. lol
Ann Catherine Pittman: dear keli and richard, i hate to be blunt about this, but you need to read a science article once in a while. i don't know where you're getting your info from but it is sorely off kilter.
Keli: I am not sure exactly what you mean by "science article". If you are refering to newspaper, magazine or articles you have read on the internet, again...that is the media. If you are talking about actual scientific journals on the subject, you should know that there are just as many scientists that dispute global warming as there are that promote it. Either way, you should not assume that someone is not educated on a subject just because they disagree with you.
Keli: way to go Aim, look what you started!! lol
Ann Catherine Pittman: i'm assuming you're getting your "media bias" information from... the media? be consistent, and if you're seriously nervous about media bias, be sure to be critical of all your media sources... FYI, Fox News is owned by biggest media giant of the world.
Ann Catherine Pittman: i'm sure amie didn't intend for this, but i can't help it. and by science articles, i meant articles publishing the scientists' research - just to clarify.
Michelle: Probably shouldn't assume Ann...you know what they say!
Michelle: Oh and for the record, here in Texas--it's not "really scary"! I've lived in every corner of this great state, and just because a cold front blows through from Canada doesn't mean we should all panic and bow down to Al Gore! The words "Arctic" freeze your beloved liberal media outlets love to toss around lately are meant to stir up feelings of "OMG, The sky is falling!" Arctic refers to the area the air is coming from---Canada (Look at a globe-for the geography lesson) and freeze, well that sounds so much scarier than cold front doesn't it?
Keli: BTW I get my "media bias" from...my own obsevations, some of us here in America are still able to form their own opinions and are not seduced by fancy rhetoric, idealistic notions and threats of what could happen if we do not conform. oh and thanks for FYI, who would have thought that a national NEWS station would be owned by a media giant, go figure.
Keli: Hope you are staying warm Michelle!
Ann Catherine Pittman: my point about Fox news is that because it is owned by one man, there is no accountability. usually people who talk about media bias watch fox news and consider it newsworthy. whereas if you watch cnn and they report something inaccurately, the new york times will run a better story and if they get something wrong you can get a better scoop from msnbc and we can always check snopes to see if they've done any research and those are just the really popular mainstream news communicators. i.e. there's competition to present the best news. whereas with fox news "fair and unbiased" always comes with a commentary. and usually really ugly, unkind ones about anybody who doesn't think like them. and that's not news. it's like one long opinion page that you have to watch.
Michelle: Does this mean you actually watch Fox news?
Keli: Well it sounds like you have a pretty good plan mapped out for when your news sources are incorrect.....
Janis: will somebody just tell me when my hot flashes will end?
Brad: Ann, you better hope CNN doesn't get it wrong, cuz your fall-back media outlets (i.e. MSNBC and The New York Times) are worthless and on the verge of bankruptcy. It amazing, ann started with an argument on global warming, and now is on a fox news rant, when she is the one that brought up fox news in the first place. I smell a liberal!!!
Ann Catherine Pittman: Amie brought up global warming and Keli brought up the media. I just responded. And i did so without name calling and sarcasm. But I give up. You guys win. This conversation is making my blood pressure go up. And hopefully you're right about climate change... but i wouldn't bet my children and grandchildren on it.
Too bad that's what we're doing...
Here's a picture of what scientists are calling "Plastic Island" an area in the Pacific ocean between Hawaii and California that is a collection of trash that has gathered in one area of the ocean due to currents. You guys, Plastic Island is TWICE THE SIZE OF THE UNITED STATES.
Yes, that's a man in a canoe trying to swim through it.
Most people know that Miami will be underwater by the next century (when your grandkids are in their prime) but even more disturbing is that "the threat is more imminent than was predicted by the Interplanetary Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) just two years ago." Instead of the half meter rise in oceanic water levels, so much ice is melting, scientists are expecting a full meter now. So don't buy any real estate that you plan on passing on to your kids in Philadelphia or D.C. either.
Scientists now say that prevention of global warming or climate change or whatever you want to call what is happening to our eco-system, is not even an option anymore. The ball is rolling too quickly. We're now in the coping phases. Mom and Dad got divorced, so how do you adjust to living in two houses? How do we adjust our living to adapt to climate change? How will our habits and houses and jobs and lifestyles change? How will we cope with this new reality? Bubble villages? Head towards the moon? I'm exaggerating, but hopefully you understand my point. No more prevention, only adaptation.
So do what you can. Quit using plastic bags. Get some cool re-usable ones. Quit buying water bottles. Get a canteen or a flask or whatever and refill it. Quit using disposable diapers. There's cloth diapers and fuzzy buns and all sorts of options now. Quit driving an SUV when you're the only one in it. If you live somewhere with adequate public transportation, use it. Plant vegetation and grass that's local so it doesn't use up as much water. If you live in Austin, join Facebook's "Austin's Dirty Little Secret" and write letters and vote about our local coal plant and other ecological issues. For more easy ways to live adapt-ably, buy New Day Revolution: How to Save the World in 24 Hours. Or if you're religious and you're not really buying all this, check out A Greener Faith which chronicles religion and environmentalism and gives a biblical precipice for saving the earth. The cool thing is that changing the things I just mentioned not only makes the earth healthier, but is good for your finances too. Being green doesn't always have to be expensive!
Don't feel guilty, just get educated.
And save the world a little bit each day.
But I also get really riled up about climate change. It is the number one issue that I'm passionate about. And I'm passionate about a lot of things.
So when I saw the following post on facebook, "I'd like to know how that study on Global Warming is going," my father's advice echoed through my head. Then I remembered that I have 1,045 friends on facebook and this is a girl that I apparently went to High School with who married a boy I went to Grade School with. We're not exactly close. So I didn't think my father's advice about "friends" was exactly applicable.
I joined in on the conversation which went as follows...
Amie: I'd like to know how that study on Global Warming is going
Richard: Obviously it is a hoax!!
Jada: ha ha good one aim
Deb: NO GLOBAL WARMING GOING ON HERE.
Ann Catherine Pittman: actually global warming causes an imbalance in the climate which yes, causes crazy stuff like an arctic freeze to sweep across america. it's actually really scary that it's 20 degrees in texas and that we've managed to destroy our environment to the point that this would happen.
Keli: ...I don't buy it
Kappy: Yes, Ann. That's what I remember from back in the 80's when my science classes were explaining what would happen by the year 2000 if we didn't do something now. Can any of you remember being on tornado warning this fall? I don't think we had one time that we had to head down to the basement. So... who got those tornadoes? Tennesee/Kentucky - places that don't usually see them. Things are a-changing! But I don't miss the tornadoes...
Richard: The scientist have admitted that Global Warming is a HOAX
Kappy: Not according to CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/01/19/eco.globalwarmingsurvey/
Keli: The media is part of the problem
Janis: do you think global warming is the reason I get hot flashes?
Richard: The media is always the problem
Amie: Janis, I don't think the environment has anything to do with your hormones.... sorry. lol
Ann Catherine Pittman: dear keli and richard, i hate to be blunt about this, but you need to read a science article once in a while. i don't know where you're getting your info from but it is sorely off kilter.
Keli: I am not sure exactly what you mean by "science article". If you are refering to newspaper, magazine or articles you have read on the internet, again...that is the media. If you are talking about actual scientific journals on the subject, you should know that there are just as many scientists that dispute global warming as there are that promote it. Either way, you should not assume that someone is not educated on a subject just because they disagree with you.
Keli: way to go Aim, look what you started!! lol
Ann Catherine Pittman: i'm assuming you're getting your "media bias" information from... the media? be consistent, and if you're seriously nervous about media bias, be sure to be critical of all your media sources... FYI, Fox News is owned by biggest media giant of the world.
Ann Catherine Pittman: i'm sure amie didn't intend for this, but i can't help it. and by science articles, i meant articles publishing the scientists' research - just to clarify.
Michelle: Probably shouldn't assume Ann...you know what they say!
Michelle: Oh and for the record, here in Texas--it's not "really scary"! I've lived in every corner of this great state, and just because a cold front blows through from Canada doesn't mean we should all panic and bow down to Al Gore! The words "Arctic" freeze your beloved liberal media outlets love to toss around lately are meant to stir up feelings of "OMG, The sky is falling!" Arctic refers to the area the air is coming from---Canada (Look at a globe-for the geography lesson) and freeze, well that sounds so much scarier than cold front doesn't it?
Keli: BTW I get my "media bias" from...my own obsevations, some of us here in America are still able to form their own opinions and are not seduced by fancy rhetoric, idealistic notions and threats of what could happen if we do not conform. oh and thanks for FYI, who would have thought that a national NEWS station would be owned by a media giant, go figure.
Keli: Hope you are staying warm Michelle!
Ann Catherine Pittman: my point about Fox news is that because it is owned by one man, there is no accountability. usually people who talk about media bias watch fox news and consider it newsworthy. whereas if you watch cnn and they report something inaccurately, the new york times will run a better story and if they get something wrong you can get a better scoop from msnbc and we can always check snopes to see if they've done any research and those are just the really popular mainstream news communicators. i.e. there's competition to present the best news. whereas with fox news "fair and unbiased" always comes with a commentary. and usually really ugly, unkind ones about anybody who doesn't think like them. and that's not news. it's like one long opinion page that you have to watch.
Michelle: Does this mean you actually watch Fox news?
Keli: Well it sounds like you have a pretty good plan mapped out for when your news sources are incorrect.....
Janis: will somebody just tell me when my hot flashes will end?
Brad: Ann, you better hope CNN doesn't get it wrong, cuz your fall-back media outlets (i.e. MSNBC and The New York Times) are worthless and on the verge of bankruptcy. It amazing, ann started with an argument on global warming, and now is on a fox news rant, when she is the one that brought up fox news in the first place. I smell a liberal!!!
Ann Catherine Pittman: Amie brought up global warming and Keli brought up the media. I just responded. And i did so without name calling and sarcasm. But I give up. You guys win. This conversation is making my blood pressure go up. And hopefully you're right about climate change... but i wouldn't bet my children and grandchildren on it.
Too bad that's what we're doing...
Here's a picture of what scientists are calling "Plastic Island" an area in the Pacific ocean between Hawaii and California that is a collection of trash that has gathered in one area of the ocean due to currents. You guys, Plastic Island is TWICE THE SIZE OF THE UNITED STATES.
Yes, that's a man in a canoe trying to swim through it.
Most people know that Miami will be underwater by the next century (when your grandkids are in their prime) but even more disturbing is that "the threat is more imminent than was predicted by the Interplanetary Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) just two years ago." Instead of the half meter rise in oceanic water levels, so much ice is melting, scientists are expecting a full meter now. So don't buy any real estate that you plan on passing on to your kids in Philadelphia or D.C. either.
Scientists now say that prevention of global warming or climate change or whatever you want to call what is happening to our eco-system, is not even an option anymore. The ball is rolling too quickly. We're now in the coping phases. Mom and Dad got divorced, so how do you adjust to living in two houses? How do we adjust our living to adapt to climate change? How will our habits and houses and jobs and lifestyles change? How will we cope with this new reality? Bubble villages? Head towards the moon? I'm exaggerating, but hopefully you understand my point. No more prevention, only adaptation.
So do what you can. Quit using plastic bags. Get some cool re-usable ones. Quit buying water bottles. Get a canteen or a flask or whatever and refill it. Quit using disposable diapers. There's cloth diapers and fuzzy buns and all sorts of options now. Quit driving an SUV when you're the only one in it. If you live somewhere with adequate public transportation, use it. Plant vegetation and grass that's local so it doesn't use up as much water. If you live in Austin, join Facebook's "Austin's Dirty Little Secret" and write letters and vote about our local coal plant and other ecological issues. For more easy ways to live adapt-ably, buy New Day Revolution: How to Save the World in 24 Hours. Or if you're religious and you're not really buying all this, check out A Greener Faith which chronicles religion and environmentalism and gives a biblical precipice for saving the earth. The cool thing is that changing the things I just mentioned not only makes the earth healthier, but is good for your finances too. Being green doesn't always have to be expensive!
Don't feel guilty, just get educated.
And save the world a little bit each day.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
My Friends Are Famous II
This is one of my best friends, Josephine Yearwood (what a name, right?). She is famous. Famously limber. Several years ago she even taught pilates in France. And get this, Johnny Depp even scheduled an appointment with her!! (I don't think he showed up though). Anyway, here Josie is featured in this fitness magazine. Pretty Awesome!
P.S. She's moving to Dallas and needs a job, so Dallas folk... HIRE HER!
P.S. She's moving to Dallas and needs a job, so Dallas folk... HIRE HER!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
The New Years and the Resurrection
Texts: Matthew 28, Mark 16:1-8, Luke 24, John 20-21
I read all four resurrection stories last night in an attempt to understand what it means to start over. The new year for me is culturally a time of transition when people make resolutions and, enlightened by the joy of Christmas, really want to make some positive changes in their lives: eat healthier food, quit smoking, be kinder to their parents, stop nagging their children, work out so they can live longer and enjoy life more… those sorts of things. And I think this is a good thing. Resolving to change can be a bit like starting over. Revelations can be a bit like second starts. Like being reborn, I guess.
So that’s why I read the resurrection stories. I started off reading the first and second chapter in Matthew: the story of Joseph, Mary and the baby's trek to Egypt. That’s starting over, I thought. A new culture a new language, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. So I headed toward the back of the book.
Matthew’s resurrection story is short sweet and has the treasured Great Commission. Mark’s is even shorter unless you count the longer ending complete with snake-handling, but most scholars don’t, so I skipped that part. Luke has the great story of the two travelers who get the whole biblical story re-told to them - Moses and the prophets - and interpreted for them by none other than Jesus… man I would have like to be a fly on the headdress of one of those guys. What was the point really, Jesus? But after the men reach their destination and Jesus appears to the other disciples Luke also has the sentence I like even more than the Great Commission, that “repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all the nations.” Yeah, I thought. Maybe now we’re getting somewhere. So I turned to John, the longest of all the post crucifixion, resurrection texts with several stories of Jesus’ appearance. Like the others you’ve got the women at the tomb, but also the race of Peter and “the loved one.” You’ve got the breathing on the disciples that Pentecostals like to call the baptism of the holy spirit and they breathe into microphones and all sorts of things to pass that spirit onto us today. And there’s the famous “I’ll believe it when I see it” story compliments of Thomas’ doubt. And finally, an outing at sea. It’s this last story that I like the most.
I find it’s read the least out of all resurrection stories. Perhaps because it’s so peculiar. I mean everyone likes the disciples behind locked doors hiding from the Jews and we like the bold women who get to see Jesus first and the ever delinquent male disciples who have to see for themselves or just flat out don’t believe them. We like revealing of the truth exposed to the disciples like scales that shed off your eyeballs. And we like doubting Thomas probably because we relate to him the most.
Resurrection, really?
And then there’s the story of the fishermen.
After the crucifixion and the appearances of Jesus the disciples return to doing what they know how to do best. Like a kid who finishes Summer Camp and then has to go back to school in August, the disciples return from their journey with Jesus to… their fishing boats. I suppose Luke went back to his hospital clinic and Matthew went back to the IRS office and Peter, James, John and Andrew, I guess, joined back up with their partners and went back out to sea with their nets in tow.
With New Year’s Eve, we too come off the high of Christmas. For some, Christmas is terribly depressing, but usually it’s a time when everyone is a little bit nicer, a little more giving, an a little more repentant. From that we move straight into New Year when our culture offers us a great opportunity to take our repentance and really “do” repentance by making resolutions and changing numbers on the calendar, a constant reminder that we have started something new.
Two Thousand and Ten
Twenty Ten
Two Oh One Oh
It’s not 2009, it’s 2010. And for our culture it’s a time to start over, if you will.
Last year, I needed the transition from 2008 into 2009 so badly that I held a funeral for 2008 in my back yard just to make sure it was good and dead.
This year, I don’t feel quite so traumatized by 2009 and so while I’m glad we’re starting a new year, there were parts of 2009 that I’ll actually miss. It was a great year.
But what happens now? And that’s what the disciples faced after Jesus’ ghostly appearances. What now?
“Well, I guess we go back to work.”
And that’s what happens to us too. We have an encounter with Christ and then we have to go back to work. Our lives don’t change as radically as we feel they should. We don’t get new parents or a new city to live in or a new job or a new body or a new wardrobe. What changes is within us. And when the external parts of our world keep on going and we’re standing there wide-eyed and gape-mouthed, at some point we have to push our jaw back into place and go on with our lives.
And that means going back to work.
“Cast your nets on the other side,” Jesus called to them.
Returning to work after an encounter with Jesus can mean doing things a little differently.
“Come have breakfast with me,” Jesus invited them.
Taking a break in our busy lives for communion with Jesus can be necessary for nourishment.
“What is that to you what I do with your friend’s life?” Jesus asked of Peter.
Following Jesus doesn’t mean making comparisons between you and others in your community, neither does it mean passing judgment on them.
It’s pretty easy to spiritualize this text as I’ve just done. And it’s pretty easy to just leave it alone, write it off as one of those strange resurrection texts. But the disciples had to carry on just like you and I carry on. So how did they do it? How were they changed by their encounter with the risen Christ?
We read some of that in Acts, and we gather information about how life went on from some of Paul’s letters. But other than that, we don’t know.
And in our lives we know that, like the writer of John says at the end of his last chapter, “there are also many other things that Jesus did.” And it’s true. Isn’t that why most of us are here (in Sunday School at church) today? Isn’t that why we got up early on our day off and put on high heels as uncomfortable as they may be. Isn’t that why you attend church and participate in mission projects even though our Austin culture prefers secular humanism to what they see as quaint, Christian religiosity? Most of us could say, yes, there are also many other things that Jesus has done.
And that’s why we’re here, trying to figure out what it means to live in the world after being radically changed by Jesus Christ. What now?
And that’s what New Year’s has reminded me of: to put it in religious terms, my conversion or my continual process of conversion. This time of the year reminds me of what it means to start over in our hearts and minds, but carry on living in the same world as before.
And so I leave you with a couple of questions (just in case resolving to go to the gym every day weren’t enough of a burden).
If you found God (who was there all along) as an adult, what are some of the ways it changed how you lived? This isn’t a “look at what a good Christian I am” opportunity to gloat, but a chance to reflect.
If you chose God again as an adult (grew up in the church but took some time off in college and maybe for a while after), how did that change how you lived? What made you re-choose Christ? How did that affect you?
If you grew up in the church and have never really not known and loved God, how do you distinguish between the world and Christ’s spirit in the world? If you don’t know the world apart from Christ, how does that affect how you live? How do you get energy to keep seeking newness and goodness when you were never really apart from it?
I read all four resurrection stories last night in an attempt to understand what it means to start over. The new year for me is culturally a time of transition when people make resolutions and, enlightened by the joy of Christmas, really want to make some positive changes in their lives: eat healthier food, quit smoking, be kinder to their parents, stop nagging their children, work out so they can live longer and enjoy life more… those sorts of things. And I think this is a good thing. Resolving to change can be a bit like starting over. Revelations can be a bit like second starts. Like being reborn, I guess.
So that’s why I read the resurrection stories. I started off reading the first and second chapter in Matthew: the story of Joseph, Mary and the baby's trek to Egypt. That’s starting over, I thought. A new culture a new language, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. So I headed toward the back of the book.
Matthew’s resurrection story is short sweet and has the treasured Great Commission. Mark’s is even shorter unless you count the longer ending complete with snake-handling, but most scholars don’t, so I skipped that part. Luke has the great story of the two travelers who get the whole biblical story re-told to them - Moses and the prophets - and interpreted for them by none other than Jesus… man I would have like to be a fly on the headdress of one of those guys. What was the point really, Jesus? But after the men reach their destination and Jesus appears to the other disciples Luke also has the sentence I like even more than the Great Commission, that “repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all the nations.” Yeah, I thought. Maybe now we’re getting somewhere. So I turned to John, the longest of all the post crucifixion, resurrection texts with several stories of Jesus’ appearance. Like the others you’ve got the women at the tomb, but also the race of Peter and “the loved one.” You’ve got the breathing on the disciples that Pentecostals like to call the baptism of the holy spirit and they breathe into microphones and all sorts of things to pass that spirit onto us today. And there’s the famous “I’ll believe it when I see it” story compliments of Thomas’ doubt. And finally, an outing at sea. It’s this last story that I like the most.
I find it’s read the least out of all resurrection stories. Perhaps because it’s so peculiar. I mean everyone likes the disciples behind locked doors hiding from the Jews and we like the bold women who get to see Jesus first and the ever delinquent male disciples who have to see for themselves or just flat out don’t believe them. We like revealing of the truth exposed to the disciples like scales that shed off your eyeballs. And we like doubting Thomas probably because we relate to him the most.
Resurrection, really?
And then there’s the story of the fishermen.
After the crucifixion and the appearances of Jesus the disciples return to doing what they know how to do best. Like a kid who finishes Summer Camp and then has to go back to school in August, the disciples return from their journey with Jesus to… their fishing boats. I suppose Luke went back to his hospital clinic and Matthew went back to the IRS office and Peter, James, John and Andrew, I guess, joined back up with their partners and went back out to sea with their nets in tow.
With New Year’s Eve, we too come off the high of Christmas. For some, Christmas is terribly depressing, but usually it’s a time when everyone is a little bit nicer, a little more giving, an a little more repentant. From that we move straight into New Year when our culture offers us a great opportunity to take our repentance and really “do” repentance by making resolutions and changing numbers on the calendar, a constant reminder that we have started something new.
Two Thousand and Ten
Twenty Ten
Two Oh One Oh
It’s not 2009, it’s 2010. And for our culture it’s a time to start over, if you will.
Last year, I needed the transition from 2008 into 2009 so badly that I held a funeral for 2008 in my back yard just to make sure it was good and dead.
This year, I don’t feel quite so traumatized by 2009 and so while I’m glad we’re starting a new year, there were parts of 2009 that I’ll actually miss. It was a great year.
But what happens now? And that’s what the disciples faced after Jesus’ ghostly appearances. What now?
“Well, I guess we go back to work.”
And that’s what happens to us too. We have an encounter with Christ and then we have to go back to work. Our lives don’t change as radically as we feel they should. We don’t get new parents or a new city to live in or a new job or a new body or a new wardrobe. What changes is within us. And when the external parts of our world keep on going and we’re standing there wide-eyed and gape-mouthed, at some point we have to push our jaw back into place and go on with our lives.
And that means going back to work.
“Cast your nets on the other side,” Jesus called to them.
Returning to work after an encounter with Jesus can mean doing things a little differently.
“Come have breakfast with me,” Jesus invited them.
Taking a break in our busy lives for communion with Jesus can be necessary for nourishment.
“What is that to you what I do with your friend’s life?” Jesus asked of Peter.
Following Jesus doesn’t mean making comparisons between you and others in your community, neither does it mean passing judgment on them.
It’s pretty easy to spiritualize this text as I’ve just done. And it’s pretty easy to just leave it alone, write it off as one of those strange resurrection texts. But the disciples had to carry on just like you and I carry on. So how did they do it? How were they changed by their encounter with the risen Christ?
We read some of that in Acts, and we gather information about how life went on from some of Paul’s letters. But other than that, we don’t know.
And in our lives we know that, like the writer of John says at the end of his last chapter, “there are also many other things that Jesus did.” And it’s true. Isn’t that why most of us are here (in Sunday School at church) today? Isn’t that why we got up early on our day off and put on high heels as uncomfortable as they may be. Isn’t that why you attend church and participate in mission projects even though our Austin culture prefers secular humanism to what they see as quaint, Christian religiosity? Most of us could say, yes, there are also many other things that Jesus has done.
And that’s why we’re here, trying to figure out what it means to live in the world after being radically changed by Jesus Christ. What now?
And that’s what New Year’s has reminded me of: to put it in religious terms, my conversion or my continual process of conversion. This time of the year reminds me of what it means to start over in our hearts and minds, but carry on living in the same world as before.
And so I leave you with a couple of questions (just in case resolving to go to the gym every day weren’t enough of a burden).
If you found God (who was there all along) as an adult, what are some of the ways it changed how you lived? This isn’t a “look at what a good Christian I am” opportunity to gloat, but a chance to reflect.
If you chose God again as an adult (grew up in the church but took some time off in college and maybe for a while after), how did that change how you lived? What made you re-choose Christ? How did that affect you?
If you grew up in the church and have never really not known and loved God, how do you distinguish between the world and Christ’s spirit in the world? If you don’t know the world apart from Christ, how does that affect how you live? How do you get energy to keep seeking newness and goodness when you were never really apart from it?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Christmas 09
I'm snuggled in my sister's bed under approximately four blankets (one of which lies across my feet at the end of the bed). Amy's not here anymore and neither is her dog Sophie. Since I have the only twin bed in the house, when the family begins to drift away, I usually move to one of their beds. Amy's is my favorite because it's a nice tall bed and the feng shui feels good and I think her bedroom is warmer than both mine and Emily's.
It's been a cold Christmas. It was chilly when I arrived, but then on Christmas Eve it began snowing... and snowing... and snowing... and after a foot of snow on the ground and drifts upon drifts pressed up against cars and houses and windows and porches, and piles of plowed snow lining parking lots and strategically placed in the middle of double lane roads, it got really cold. And our house is drafty anyway. It's old... for the Midwest that is. Built in the early 1900s it's huge with mostly french windows all around it (two full walls of my bedroom are just windows). It's beautiful, don't get me wrong. But a little chilly.
"Do you want me to put your beer in the fridge so it won't get cold?" my father hollered up to me one afternoon. I'd forgotten I'd opened it and had become swept up in loading dad's CDs onto his computer since the Pittman women bought him an iPod this year for Christmas.
"This will change your world, dad."
Of course, it didn't work. Leave it to us to buy the one broken iPod in the whole Apple store. Well, sort of broken. It works okay, but it's earphone jack doesn't work so you can't hear anything. Not much good that does. My dad was really disappointed. So tomorrow after they drop me off at the airport my parents are driving into KC, the closest city with an Apple Store.
But truth be told, even if we weren't prone to buying things that are broken (iPod) or stolen (a car) or illegal (a house), this was definitely the Christmas of broken stuff. My phone broke (when my dad stepped on it). The power-steering on my dad's car broke and just today something with the muffler got messed up when we ran over a curb hidden in snow. Mom and I broke my grandma's phone this evening while trying to untangle the cord and clean off the mouthpiece. It screeched and hollered and made noises I didn't think a phone was capable of. The automatic windows on Emily's car broke when she forgot to roll them up while she went through a car wash. You should have seen her afterwards when she pulled up to an ATM and was trying to get her window to go down so she could slide her card into the machine and retrieve some money. but all it kept doing was going up, up, down and up again. Look mom, no hands! I've never laughed so hard.
My heart broke a little too when I had to leave all of my pets in Austin so I could fly to Missouri, a first for me at Christmas. I've always driven, every year, with the cats, then with the cats and the dog, then with the cats and the dog and the boyfriend and then with just the dog, but this time, I flew. Two years ago my car broke - blew up rather - on the highway while driving home and at the rate we're going this Christmas season, I'm guess I'm kind of glad I flew. Somebody knock on wood, please...
With all the snow we've had here and with the snow all across the Midwest (Ok City was declared worst city for weather on Christmas day) I'm pretty glad I don't have to drive back in it. That makes for a stress-free trip (at least for my family and friends who worry about me). The snow relieved me of even more stress than a car drive home. It cancelled church... twice! I know church isn't supposed to be stressful, but I was scheduled to sing on Christmas Eve and my voice wasn't fully recovered from the strep yet and while I know I shouldn't try and be perfect and that I should just "praise God with what I've got," I still was a little nervous about belting those high notes. And then when the Christmas Eve Service was cancelled and I realized I was going to have to now sing the song at the Sunday worship service that made me even more stressed. I had planned on skipping Sunday worship... a little break if you know what I mean, not that any of you get stressed by going to church, but well... it turned out I didn't have to worry about that either. No one could even get into the church, let alone the parking lot, so Sunday's church service was cancelled too. Sorry baby Jesus. I guess we'll just have to have church in our hearts.
Grandma and grandpa had to have church and Christmas at home. Usually after the three Pittman girls have finished opening our stockings, we call gma and gpa and invite them over. By the time they arrive, we're mostly through the presents and they get to catch the last few big ones (this year it would have been dad's broken iPod and my NEW! luggage!). But they were stuck, and they were too nervous to even have dad come and get them. This was probably a pretty good choice on their part since the next day when mom and dad went over because grandma/pa's furnace broke (i forgot to list that one earlier!), my parents had a terrible time getting off their street and even in pulling back onto our street dad's car slid into a snowdrift and he nearly had heart attack number three.
Truthfully, I've loved every minute of it. Well, maybe not one night when we miscalculated our turn into the driveway (turning on snow and ice can be tricky) and had to push the car out of the snow knowing that we had almost made it home and the back door (and warmth) was just a few steps away. But other than that, it's been great. Winter Wonderland literally.
Snow makes everything brighter. Literally. At night, it's not nearly as dark because the white snow reflects the light so well that there is a constant glow in the city. I wonder if that's how people keep their sanity in Alaska. Darkness is hard for me which makes Daylight Savings Time my least favorite six months of the year. But with snow, the world is brighter, lighter and feels less scary, less sad, and less oppressive. And snow forces you to slow down. You weigh the benefits of driving somewhere. Is it really worth the trip? And you have to drive and walk slowly on snow. Each step is deliberate and necessitates your concentration on the moment. I like that. I like being able to see and slowing down... and of course snuggling.
Except, not for me since I'm on day 72 of no men. Which really made me miss my pets this Christmas. You need more than just your own body to fight the cold in winter. Staying warm is a team effort. Fortunately for me, on her last night in St. Joe, Sophie spent most of it draped across my legs in my bed. We'd made a bargain earlier that day. "Sophie," I told her, "if I give you this apple to eat, you have to come sleep in my bed tonight." Unbeknownst to me, this white lab understands the human language and sure enough, when I tried to roll over in the middle of the night, I awoke to find her keeping me warm.
And tomorrow I fly home. It'll be in the 40s when I arrive and as high as 60 the next day. I get to leave, to escape. But I'll also be leaving behind a little part of me that loves the drama of it all: the snowflakes, the sparkle, the snowdrifts taller than you, the ice storms, the electrical blackouts, the fires in the fireplace burning real wood, the two pairs of socks, the piles of blankets, and the light... being able to see in the dark. Always cling to the light.
My favorite thing to look at when it snows is the Christmas lights that decorate bushes in front yards, bushes that are perfect resting places for fallen snow. Not being trampled or dirtied by feet and goulashes, the bushes stay perfectly covered by inches or sometimes feet of snow. The lights have been dampened by the snow, diminished even maybe, but you can still see them glowing underneath, whether white or red or multi-colored, illuminating the whole pile of snow on top of it. I love that. it makes the bush more beautiful than before.
Always cling to the light, whether you're covered in snow or not.
And always let the light shine through.
It's been a cold Christmas. It was chilly when I arrived, but then on Christmas Eve it began snowing... and snowing... and snowing... and after a foot of snow on the ground and drifts upon drifts pressed up against cars and houses and windows and porches, and piles of plowed snow lining parking lots and strategically placed in the middle of double lane roads, it got really cold. And our house is drafty anyway. It's old... for the Midwest that is. Built in the early 1900s it's huge with mostly french windows all around it (two full walls of my bedroom are just windows). It's beautiful, don't get me wrong. But a little chilly.
"Do you want me to put your beer in the fridge so it won't get cold?" my father hollered up to me one afternoon. I'd forgotten I'd opened it and had become swept up in loading dad's CDs onto his computer since the Pittman women bought him an iPod this year for Christmas.
"This will change your world, dad."
Of course, it didn't work. Leave it to us to buy the one broken iPod in the whole Apple store. Well, sort of broken. It works okay, but it's earphone jack doesn't work so you can't hear anything. Not much good that does. My dad was really disappointed. So tomorrow after they drop me off at the airport my parents are driving into KC, the closest city with an Apple Store.
But truth be told, even if we weren't prone to buying things that are broken (iPod) or stolen (a car) or illegal (a house), this was definitely the Christmas of broken stuff. My phone broke (when my dad stepped on it). The power-steering on my dad's car broke and just today something with the muffler got messed up when we ran over a curb hidden in snow. Mom and I broke my grandma's phone this evening while trying to untangle the cord and clean off the mouthpiece. It screeched and hollered and made noises I didn't think a phone was capable of. The automatic windows on Emily's car broke when she forgot to roll them up while she went through a car wash. You should have seen her afterwards when she pulled up to an ATM and was trying to get her window to go down so she could slide her card into the machine and retrieve some money. but all it kept doing was going up, up, down and up again. Look mom, no hands! I've never laughed so hard.
My heart broke a little too when I had to leave all of my pets in Austin so I could fly to Missouri, a first for me at Christmas. I've always driven, every year, with the cats, then with the cats and the dog, then with the cats and the dog and the boyfriend and then with just the dog, but this time, I flew. Two years ago my car broke - blew up rather - on the highway while driving home and at the rate we're going this Christmas season, I'm guess I'm kind of glad I flew. Somebody knock on wood, please...
With all the snow we've had here and with the snow all across the Midwest (Ok City was declared worst city for weather on Christmas day) I'm pretty glad I don't have to drive back in it. That makes for a stress-free trip (at least for my family and friends who worry about me). The snow relieved me of even more stress than a car drive home. It cancelled church... twice! I know church isn't supposed to be stressful, but I was scheduled to sing on Christmas Eve and my voice wasn't fully recovered from the strep yet and while I know I shouldn't try and be perfect and that I should just "praise God with what I've got," I still was a little nervous about belting those high notes. And then when the Christmas Eve Service was cancelled and I realized I was going to have to now sing the song at the Sunday worship service that made me even more stressed. I had planned on skipping Sunday worship... a little break if you know what I mean, not that any of you get stressed by going to church, but well... it turned out I didn't have to worry about that either. No one could even get into the church, let alone the parking lot, so Sunday's church service was cancelled too. Sorry baby Jesus. I guess we'll just have to have church in our hearts.
Grandma and grandpa had to have church and Christmas at home. Usually after the three Pittman girls have finished opening our stockings, we call gma and gpa and invite them over. By the time they arrive, we're mostly through the presents and they get to catch the last few big ones (this year it would have been dad's broken iPod and my NEW! luggage!). But they were stuck, and they were too nervous to even have dad come and get them. This was probably a pretty good choice on their part since the next day when mom and dad went over because grandma/pa's furnace broke (i forgot to list that one earlier!), my parents had a terrible time getting off their street and even in pulling back onto our street dad's car slid into a snowdrift and he nearly had heart attack number three.
Truthfully, I've loved every minute of it. Well, maybe not one night when we miscalculated our turn into the driveway (turning on snow and ice can be tricky) and had to push the car out of the snow knowing that we had almost made it home and the back door (and warmth) was just a few steps away. But other than that, it's been great. Winter Wonderland literally.
Snow makes everything brighter. Literally. At night, it's not nearly as dark because the white snow reflects the light so well that there is a constant glow in the city. I wonder if that's how people keep their sanity in Alaska. Darkness is hard for me which makes Daylight Savings Time my least favorite six months of the year. But with snow, the world is brighter, lighter and feels less scary, less sad, and less oppressive. And snow forces you to slow down. You weigh the benefits of driving somewhere. Is it really worth the trip? And you have to drive and walk slowly on snow. Each step is deliberate and necessitates your concentration on the moment. I like that. I like being able to see and slowing down... and of course snuggling.
Except, not for me since I'm on day 72 of no men. Which really made me miss my pets this Christmas. You need more than just your own body to fight the cold in winter. Staying warm is a team effort. Fortunately for me, on her last night in St. Joe, Sophie spent most of it draped across my legs in my bed. We'd made a bargain earlier that day. "Sophie," I told her, "if I give you this apple to eat, you have to come sleep in my bed tonight." Unbeknownst to me, this white lab understands the human language and sure enough, when I tried to roll over in the middle of the night, I awoke to find her keeping me warm.
And tomorrow I fly home. It'll be in the 40s when I arrive and as high as 60 the next day. I get to leave, to escape. But I'll also be leaving behind a little part of me that loves the drama of it all: the snowflakes, the sparkle, the snowdrifts taller than you, the ice storms, the electrical blackouts, the fires in the fireplace burning real wood, the two pairs of socks, the piles of blankets, and the light... being able to see in the dark. Always cling to the light.
My favorite thing to look at when it snows is the Christmas lights that decorate bushes in front yards, bushes that are perfect resting places for fallen snow. Not being trampled or dirtied by feet and goulashes, the bushes stay perfectly covered by inches or sometimes feet of snow. The lights have been dampened by the snow, diminished even maybe, but you can still see them glowing underneath, whether white or red or multi-colored, illuminating the whole pile of snow on top of it. I love that. it makes the bush more beautiful than before.
Always cling to the light, whether you're covered in snow or not.
And always let the light shine through.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Holiday Movie Review
So, starting back at Thanksgiving when I came home, the fam has caught a couple of flicks at the Hollywood 10 that I find worthy of a blog review.
1. Old Dogs. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. It's horrible. My father wasted, WASTED $80 paying for the family (minus Amy) to see this over Thanksgiving. We only chose it because I wanted to see Fantastic Mr. Fox and Emily wanted to see Blind Side and neither of us wanted to see what the other wanted, so we compromised by mother announcing that we would go see Old Dogs. That was a mistake. It's now a nice family joke, but no joke is worth that much money or that much of my time.
2. Sherlock Holmes. MUST SEE. As if the raving critics weren't reason enough, this movie has two of my favorites in it: Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. I mean, need I say more? And I was skeptical, people. I'm a literature person. Sherlock Holmes is a nerdy middle aged man who wears a cap and sits in his library smoking a pipe and solving mysteries. He's not some kung-fu murder solving karate kid. But my skepticism was unfounded. I was wrong. I should have known better. Lest my childhood crush deceive me, RDJ was amazing (and hotter than ever!) and of course Jude Law is just good eye candy. On top of that though the plot was interesting, the jokes funny and Holmes was still... well, a little bit nerdy. And I was quite taken with the cinematography which my father insisted was actually a 3d film sans glasses, but which I thought illuminated Holmes' thought process well. Overall 4 stars or 5 or however many stars are available. Plus we saw it on Christmas Eve with the WHOLE FAMILY which was awesome.
3. It's Complicated. Good movie. Mom, Dad and I caught it after all the other children left and liked it a lot. Meryl Streep is always so fun to watch and Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are always good. Plus Jim from the Office is in it, so it's real NBC special! There were a few scenes when I thought, "O God, I'm watching this with my parents," but overall it was very tender. If you're low on cash I'd recommend waiting for it to come out on DVD, but it was still worth my time and my dad's money in my opinion.
4. Up In the Air. Amazing. Tangible, funny, unpredictable, this movie usurps even Sherlock Holmes the excitement of which kept me going to the movies this holiday season. It was the final viewing by my mom, dad and me this Christmas season since I return to Austin tomorrow and it is a MUST SEE. From the 23 year old girlish optimism turn realism that I still often feel at 31 to the down-to-earth beauty of the 34 love interest of George Clooney who also resonated with my life, it was a capture-it-all film of what it means to live up in the air and what it means to live here on earth. I'm adding this to my birthday wish list 2010. It's a must own.
5. Nine. AWESOME. Although I haven't seen it yet. We were supposed to see it yesterday in KC with Emily and Jesse but dinner ran late and we didn't make it. I plan on seeing it when I return to Austin and also Avatar which I've put off seeing until I return to a city with 3d theaters. Yea! Maybe I'll see you there!
1. Old Dogs. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. It's horrible. My father wasted, WASTED $80 paying for the family (minus Amy) to see this over Thanksgiving. We only chose it because I wanted to see Fantastic Mr. Fox and Emily wanted to see Blind Side and neither of us wanted to see what the other wanted, so we compromised by mother announcing that we would go see Old Dogs. That was a mistake. It's now a nice family joke, but no joke is worth that much money or that much of my time.
2. Sherlock Holmes. MUST SEE. As if the raving critics weren't reason enough, this movie has two of my favorites in it: Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. I mean, need I say more? And I was skeptical, people. I'm a literature person. Sherlock Holmes is a nerdy middle aged man who wears a cap and sits in his library smoking a pipe and solving mysteries. He's not some kung-fu murder solving karate kid. But my skepticism was unfounded. I was wrong. I should have known better. Lest my childhood crush deceive me, RDJ was amazing (and hotter than ever!) and of course Jude Law is just good eye candy. On top of that though the plot was interesting, the jokes funny and Holmes was still... well, a little bit nerdy. And I was quite taken with the cinematography which my father insisted was actually a 3d film sans glasses, but which I thought illuminated Holmes' thought process well. Overall 4 stars or 5 or however many stars are available. Plus we saw it on Christmas Eve with the WHOLE FAMILY which was awesome.
3. It's Complicated. Good movie. Mom, Dad and I caught it after all the other children left and liked it a lot. Meryl Streep is always so fun to watch and Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are always good. Plus Jim from the Office is in it, so it's real NBC special! There were a few scenes when I thought, "O God, I'm watching this with my parents," but overall it was very tender. If you're low on cash I'd recommend waiting for it to come out on DVD, but it was still worth my time and my dad's money in my opinion.
4. Up In the Air. Amazing. Tangible, funny, unpredictable, this movie usurps even Sherlock Holmes the excitement of which kept me going to the movies this holiday season. It was the final viewing by my mom, dad and me this Christmas season since I return to Austin tomorrow and it is a MUST SEE. From the 23 year old girlish optimism turn realism that I still often feel at 31 to the down-to-earth beauty of the 34 love interest of George Clooney who also resonated with my life, it was a capture-it-all film of what it means to live up in the air and what it means to live here on earth. I'm adding this to my birthday wish list 2010. It's a must own.
5. Nine. AWESOME. Although I haven't seen it yet. We were supposed to see it yesterday in KC with Emily and Jesse but dinner ran late and we didn't make it. I plan on seeing it when I return to Austin and also Avatar which I've put off seeing until I return to a city with 3d theaters. Yea! Maybe I'll see you there!
December
Tales of the Pittman Christmas adventures are to come, but until they do, here's a beautiful Christmas poem...
December
by Gary Johnson
A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
And are there angels singing overhead? Hark.
December
by Gary Johnson
A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
And are there angels singing overhead? Hark.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Grinch on Christmas Eve
Since my sisters have kindly nicknamed me the Grinch (I was a little cranky earlier this evening because when I asked what we'd be doing as a family for Christmas Eve since the service at church had been cancelled, my sisters responded "watching Falala Christmas." I know. You just threw up a little.)... And since my neighbor/the-brother-i-never-wanted lightly explained on a facebook post that the Pittman's had two daughters and a grinch... I thought we could read the poem for old time's sake.
Plus my parents DVD player is broken, so I can't watch it on there.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
by Dr. Seuss
Every Who Down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot…
But the Grinch, Who lived just north of Whoville, Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Christmas Sing,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” The Grinch looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Grinch said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Grinchy Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos’ feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the tree!”
And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “Santy Claus, why,”
“Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos’ houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Whos’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!”
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast!
Plus my parents DVD player is broken, so I can't watch it on there.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
by Dr. Seuss
Every Who Down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot…
But the Grinch, Who lived just north of Whoville, Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN They’d do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Christmas Sing,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” The Grinch looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Grinch said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Grinchy Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos’ feast!
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will stuff up the tree!”
And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “Santy Claus, why,”
“Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos’ houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Whos’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!”
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Happy 40th Anniversary
Yesterday was my parents' 40th Wedding Anniversary. Whoa. So we celebrated tonight by surprising my mom with a family and friends dinner at Galvin's, a famous restaurant in St. Jo, Mo. EJP made mom and dad a scrapbook of the past 40 years including letters from friends and family reflecting on old time and more recent times and on my parents' marriage. It was a pretty exciting and happy and yes, a little bit of a tearful evening. My dad gave a speech and my grandpa fell asleep (he couldn't hear it anyway) and as always, my grandparents figured out a way to pay for dinner.
So, here's what I wrote for my parents to put in the scrapbook and now on the web.
Dear Mom and Dad,
You've taught me that...
No matter how messy the house, how obstinate the children, how high the bills, how leaky the roof, how needy the children, how stinky the pets, how low the funds, how overgrown the yard, how ornery the children, how aged the body, how annoying the in-laws, how slow the internet, how overcooked the dinner...
Love is worth it.
The beautiful children are worth it, the blooming impatiens are worth it, the nights at the theater are worth it, the Sundays at church, the living room full of family, the articulate children, the murder mystery parties, the rock garden, the den cabinet full of toys, the Disney movies and Steven Spielberg films, the swim teams, the choir performances, the creative children, the boards and committees, the dinners with the grandparents, the friends who made it and the friends who didn't, the fireplace fires, the birthday parties, the talented children, the quiet nights alone, the swing sets, the board games, the cats, the hamsters, the guinea pig, the newt and even the fish who jumped out of their bowl... it was all worth it.
Love is always worth it.
Congratulations on 40 years of Love. Here's to 40 more...
So, here's what I wrote for my parents to put in the scrapbook and now on the web.
Dear Mom and Dad,
You've taught me that...
No matter how messy the house, how obstinate the children, how high the bills, how leaky the roof, how needy the children, how stinky the pets, how low the funds, how overgrown the yard, how ornery the children, how aged the body, how annoying the in-laws, how slow the internet, how overcooked the dinner...
Love is worth it.
The beautiful children are worth it, the blooming impatiens are worth it, the nights at the theater are worth it, the Sundays at church, the living room full of family, the articulate children, the murder mystery parties, the rock garden, the den cabinet full of toys, the Disney movies and Steven Spielberg films, the swim teams, the choir performances, the creative children, the boards and committees, the dinners with the grandparents, the friends who made it and the friends who didn't, the fireplace fires, the birthday parties, the talented children, the quiet nights alone, the swing sets, the board games, the cats, the hamsters, the guinea pig, the newt and even the fish who jumped out of their bowl... it was all worth it.
Love is always worth it.
Congratulations on 40 years of Love. Here's to 40 more...
Monday, December 14, 2009
Feminist Coloring Book
P.S. I forgot to add this to my Christmas Wish List 09... a Girls Are Not Chicks Coloring Book. You can buy it here, Santa...
Love,
ann
Love,
ann
Sunday, December 13, 2009
While Making Your List
Consider this...if all the people who attended church in America bought Just One fair trade item for someone on their list this Christmas, one million families would be lifted out of poverty for one year.
Last year one of the best gifts I received was a computer bag I wanted from Trade as One. It's super cool and in buying it for me, my mom... I mean Santa Claus... empowered people living in poverty to take one more step toward self-sustainability.
Trade as One is fair trade company whose mission is to to bring ethical spending to the church in America. They partner with churches is several different ways introduce fair trade and provide opportunities to buy fair trade. Take a second to check out the TaO website.
Check out the Trade as One Website and happy shopping!
Last year one of the best gifts I received was a computer bag I wanted from Trade as One. It's super cool and in buying it for me, my mom... I mean Santa Claus... empowered people living in poverty to take one more step toward self-sustainability.
Trade as One is fair trade company whose mission is to to bring ethical spending to the church in America. They partner with churches is several different ways introduce fair trade and provide opportunities to buy fair trade. Take a second to check out the TaO website.
Check out the Trade as One Website and happy shopping!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I Found It
When I was somewhere around the age of 11 or 12, I was in a play that I just finished assistant directing with Trinity Street Players and which is running THIS WEEKEND ONLY, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I played Imogene. "Type casting," my sister said; Imogene is the oldest girl and the ringleader of the infamous Herdmans, six children who are the bullies of the community. They lied and stole and smoked cigars, even the girls! The Herdmans had never set foot in a church until they heard there was free food.
And in the show I was in. I really had to smoke. Here's proof.
At one point in the play, Imogene Herdman is found smoking cigars in the ladies room wearing the Mary (the mother of Jesus) costume. That, of course, was the scene the local St. Joseph Gazette newspaper wanted a picture of for their article. So the girl who played Beth (the narrator) and the girl who played Alice (the know it all) and I all showed up for our photo shoot one Saturday afternoon and I smoked two or three cigars while the photographer worked on getting the best shot. Unlike Bill Clinton, I only inhaled once or twice, and at the young age of 11, that was definitely on accident.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is a delightful play that everyone in Austin should come see whether you're six or 29 or 82 years old. It's a great family outing or would make for a very cosy and sweet date night.
While our version of Pageant doesn't have Imogene smoking cigars, it does star my best friend, Michelle
and was directed by myself and my other best friend Amy.
While working with 521 children (or maybe just 21) often made me want to pull my hair out or have a hysterectomy, it was an awesome learning experience and I really have fallen for some of those little monsters a.k.a. baby angels (side note: never reference younger children with names like "little monsters" in front of older children because children, no matter their age, go home and tell their parents what you said. yikes. like i mentioned, this was a learning experience).
Anyway, if you're in town or even close to town, come see our show. And be reminded that Jesus was not born to a family modeling what society tells us are worthwhile attributes: wealth, power, perfectionism and good manners. Rather, the story of Christ is one of humility, poverty, and the unpredictable nature of God.
7:30 tonight (Saturday) 2:30 Sunday. FREE 901 Trinity Street in downtown Austin.
Shazaam.
And in the show I was in. I really had to smoke. Here's proof.
At one point in the play, Imogene Herdman is found smoking cigars in the ladies room wearing the Mary (the mother of Jesus) costume. That, of course, was the scene the local St. Joseph Gazette newspaper wanted a picture of for their article. So the girl who played Beth (the narrator) and the girl who played Alice (the know it all) and I all showed up for our photo shoot one Saturday afternoon and I smoked two or three cigars while the photographer worked on getting the best shot. Unlike Bill Clinton, I only inhaled once or twice, and at the young age of 11, that was definitely on accident.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is a delightful play that everyone in Austin should come see whether you're six or 29 or 82 years old. It's a great family outing or would make for a very cosy and sweet date night.
While our version of Pageant doesn't have Imogene smoking cigars, it does star my best friend, Michelle
and was directed by myself and my other best friend Amy.
While working with 521 children (or maybe just 21) often made me want to pull my hair out or have a hysterectomy, it was an awesome learning experience and I really have fallen for some of those little monsters a.k.a. baby angels (side note: never reference younger children with names like "little monsters" in front of older children because children, no matter their age, go home and tell their parents what you said. yikes. like i mentioned, this was a learning experience).
Anyway, if you're in town or even close to town, come see our show. And be reminded that Jesus was not born to a family modeling what society tells us are worthwhile attributes: wealth, power, perfectionism and good manners. Rather, the story of Christ is one of humility, poverty, and the unpredictable nature of God.
7:30 tonight (Saturday) 2:30 Sunday. FREE 901 Trinity Street in downtown Austin.
Shazaam.
Monday, December 07, 2009
2009 Christmas List
Luggage. Mine almost didn't make it back from Chile... in either lime or pink. these are 20% off and have free shipping for the next 2 days.
Canon Powershot sd990IS camera or the Fugi Finepix f200EXR or the cheaper Canon Powershot sd780 IS camera
Gift Certificates to Home Depot, Victoria's Secret, Parts & Labor (local Austin), Toy Joy (local Austin).
a pet guinea pig. i told myself i couldn't get any more pets until i got married, but if someone gave me a pet, i couldn't exactly decline it...
the new regina spektor cd, Far.
some teeshirts i like: Big Cats for MU Game Day, this Chesire Cat tee (that changes in sunlight!) or Zion, or maybe dinosaurs against creationism all "Girl" shirts, probably in "med" but "small" if that's all they've got.
a Girls Are Not Chicks Coloring Book. You can buy it here
red iPod nano armband $29
Canon Powershot sd990IS camera or the Fugi Finepix f200EXR or the cheaper Canon Powershot sd780 IS camera
Gift Certificates to Home Depot, Victoria's Secret, Parts & Labor (local Austin), Toy Joy (local Austin).
a pet guinea pig. i told myself i couldn't get any more pets until i got married, but if someone gave me a pet, i couldn't exactly decline it...
the new regina spektor cd, Far.
some teeshirts i like: Big Cats for MU Game Day, this Chesire Cat tee (that changes in sunlight!) or Zion, or maybe dinosaurs against creationism all "Girl" shirts, probably in "med" but "small" if that's all they've got.
a Girls Are Not Chicks Coloring Book. You can buy it here
red iPod nano armband $29
Sunday, December 06, 2009
A Man Is Only As Good (a great poem)
A Man is Only as Good . . .
by Pat Boran
A man is only as good
as what he says to a dog
when he has to get up out of bed
in the middle of a wintry night
because some damned dog has been barking;
and he goes and opens the door
in his vest and boxer shorts
and there on the pock-marked wasteground
called a playing field out front
he finds the mutt with one paw
raised in expectation
and an expression that says Thank God
for a minute there I thought
there was no one awake but me
in this goddamned town.
by Pat Boran
A man is only as good
as what he says to a dog
when he has to get up out of bed
in the middle of a wintry night
because some damned dog has been barking;
and he goes and opens the door
in his vest and boxer shorts
and there on the pock-marked wasteground
called a playing field out front
he finds the mutt with one paw
raised in expectation
and an expression that says Thank God
for a minute there I thought
there was no one awake but me
in this goddamned town.
Where Should I Live Next...
When Texas gets tired of me, where should I move next? How about to one of the ten coolest small towns in the nation?
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Christmas Came Early This Year
I don't know why. It's definitely not in my character to break out the boxes and hang the tinsel early, but sometime in mid-November... November 18th in fact, I decorated my Christmas tree.
And then I felt something else out of character. I didn't want my decorations to be... well... ghetto. Not this year. I didn't want lights all strung around every which way, the whites and the greens and the blues and the multi-colored all intermixed and cattywampus. I wanted order and beauty.
I don't know if I'm finally done defying my parents (people rebel in different ways, I certainly can't explain it) or if I was just feeling nostalgic, but that night I knew I needed Christmas although I didn't yet know why. I found out a few hours later. And a few days later and well, who knows really why we need Christmas so badly in our lives. Perhaps because we live in a free country where religion can't unite us so we need a holiday to do it. A big long one cause we're a really divided nation.
I watched The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada tonight and was reminded of that.
"Thank you God for not making me be born in a poor, undereducated, racist, sexist, environment... or in Texas." I joke about the Texas part (mostly because i'm feeling obstinate cause I know I'll be berated tomorrow for not watching the Big 12 Game tonight), but not about the rest. This movie is wonderful. It speaks so bluntly of the depravity of society and so profoundly of the opportunity for redemption.
Too bad you have to be beaten and dragged through the desert with a dead man sleeping next to you to find it... but it's possible.
"You gonna be okay?" The "villian" calls out to the "protagonist" at the end of the movie.
You gonna be okay?
I think so, I just needed Christmas to come a little early this year.
Technically it gave a little wave back in September when we held auditions for The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. And then it began peeking out from behind the pillars during October as we began rehearsing once a week. Now it's jumping up and down in front of me screaming and waving its arms in every direction: Christmas is here! I'm here! Look at me! Pay attention to me! Celebrate me!
Yep. I see you.
And the church needs to pay me more.
I told the director the other day that I've never identified more with a character that I'm not playing.
I sat down Wednesday on the edge of the stage composed of 14 heavy platforms that we carried down two flights of stairs last Sunday, that were painted on Thursday and then "textured" on Friday. I sat down, just like the character does in the play and put my head in my hands.
This isn't going to work.
Actors didn't know their parts, parents weren't participating. "I have spent thousands of dollars on something that might flop."
As if my lame social life and my the fragility of my family weren't disappointing enough, now I might be failing at my job too?
It was time for Christmas to show up.
And it did at today's rehearsal when the kids received their body mics and their faces and their entire attitudes changed as they realized this was it. The real deal. Miley Cyrus watch out. Here come the Baptists.
And it did when I watched Three Burials tonight: a gruesome story of sin and redemption, fierce friendship and forgiven enemies. And I think that's what Christmas is about.
Cause in Christmas you get the whole package. You get the barn and the baby, the poverty and the power, the edicts of death and the prayers for peace. And you know, for as popular as it is to hate the commercialization of Christmas, our culture got some things right about Christmas. Sometimes it's okay to give gifts, even really impractical ones like frankinsense or Chanel No 5. And it's okay to let a child's birth give us opportunity for rebirth in our lives. And it's okay to take the advice of a fat old white man (we've been doing it for years anyway) and choose to be nice over naughty for once. There's nothing wrong with watching snow and wondering if you too could wipe the slate clean. And sometimes, even when you feel like shit, you gotta dress your life up with some garland and white lights. There's nothing wrong with optimism and there's nothing wrong with love. And if you can't get it in a christ-child maybe you'll find it in a christmas tree or the ringing of some bells or in a green grinch or an overgrown elf.
So Christmas came early. November 18th. And I'm glad it did. Cause for all the smiles and parties and presents and spiked eggnog, there's still the hundred feet of lights that you hung up on your roof all by yourself that won't light up. And there's the tear and the sigh and the longing and the wondering sometimes if this is worth all the effort.
Thankfully Christmas answers yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
With a bow, or maybe even an angel on top.
And then I felt something else out of character. I didn't want my decorations to be... well... ghetto. Not this year. I didn't want lights all strung around every which way, the whites and the greens and the blues and the multi-colored all intermixed and cattywampus. I wanted order and beauty.
I don't know if I'm finally done defying my parents (people rebel in different ways, I certainly can't explain it) or if I was just feeling nostalgic, but that night I knew I needed Christmas although I didn't yet know why. I found out a few hours later. And a few days later and well, who knows really why we need Christmas so badly in our lives. Perhaps because we live in a free country where religion can't unite us so we need a holiday to do it. A big long one cause we're a really divided nation.
I watched The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada tonight and was reminded of that.
"Thank you God for not making me be born in a poor, undereducated, racist, sexist, environment... or in Texas." I joke about the Texas part (mostly because i'm feeling obstinate cause I know I'll be berated tomorrow for not watching the Big 12 Game tonight), but not about the rest. This movie is wonderful. It speaks so bluntly of the depravity of society and so profoundly of the opportunity for redemption.
Too bad you have to be beaten and dragged through the desert with a dead man sleeping next to you to find it... but it's possible.
"You gonna be okay?" The "villian" calls out to the "protagonist" at the end of the movie.
You gonna be okay?
I think so, I just needed Christmas to come a little early this year.
Technically it gave a little wave back in September when we held auditions for The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. And then it began peeking out from behind the pillars during October as we began rehearsing once a week. Now it's jumping up and down in front of me screaming and waving its arms in every direction: Christmas is here! I'm here! Look at me! Pay attention to me! Celebrate me!
Yep. I see you.
And the church needs to pay me more.
I told the director the other day that I've never identified more with a character that I'm not playing.
I sat down Wednesday on the edge of the stage composed of 14 heavy platforms that we carried down two flights of stairs last Sunday, that were painted on Thursday and then "textured" on Friday. I sat down, just like the character does in the play and put my head in my hands.
This isn't going to work.
Actors didn't know their parts, parents weren't participating. "I have spent thousands of dollars on something that might flop."
As if my lame social life and my the fragility of my family weren't disappointing enough, now I might be failing at my job too?
It was time for Christmas to show up.
And it did at today's rehearsal when the kids received their body mics and their faces and their entire attitudes changed as they realized this was it. The real deal. Miley Cyrus watch out. Here come the Baptists.
And it did when I watched Three Burials tonight: a gruesome story of sin and redemption, fierce friendship and forgiven enemies. And I think that's what Christmas is about.
Cause in Christmas you get the whole package. You get the barn and the baby, the poverty and the power, the edicts of death and the prayers for peace. And you know, for as popular as it is to hate the commercialization of Christmas, our culture got some things right about Christmas. Sometimes it's okay to give gifts, even really impractical ones like frankinsense or Chanel No 5. And it's okay to let a child's birth give us opportunity for rebirth in our lives. And it's okay to take the advice of a fat old white man (we've been doing it for years anyway) and choose to be nice over naughty for once. There's nothing wrong with watching snow and wondering if you too could wipe the slate clean. And sometimes, even when you feel like shit, you gotta dress your life up with some garland and white lights. There's nothing wrong with optimism and there's nothing wrong with love. And if you can't get it in a christ-child maybe you'll find it in a christmas tree or the ringing of some bells or in a green grinch or an overgrown elf.
So Christmas came early. November 18th. And I'm glad it did. Cause for all the smiles and parties and presents and spiked eggnog, there's still the hundred feet of lights that you hung up on your roof all by yourself that won't light up. And there's the tear and the sigh and the longing and the wondering sometimes if this is worth all the effort.
Thankfully Christmas answers yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
With a bow, or maybe even an angel on top.
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