Orlando Vigil

As a clergywoman, I was honored to help with the Vigil for Orlando victims organized by Creede Rep which finished out Creede's Gay Pride Day (although word on the street is that they're at Tommyknocker's now finishing the evening). My brief words were accompanied a testimony by Chris (an Orlando native), a poem read by Mehry Eslaminia, songs by Ryan Prince, and impromptu words by others in attendance.

After much celebration (and inevitable libations), we gather as a community to honor the victims of Orlando’s hate crime two weeks ago, and also to celebrate those 49 lives.

As we begin the vigil, here is a poem that appeared in my inbox today titled "For My Young Friends Who Are Afraid" by William Stafford. 

There is a country to cross you will

find in the corner of your eye, in

the quick slip of your foot—air far

down, a snap that might have caught.

And maybe for you, for me, a high, passing

voice that finds its way by being

afraid. That country is there, for us,

carried as it is crossed. What you fear

will not go away: it will take you into

yourself and bless you and keep you.

That’s the world, and we all live there.

Please pray with me.

God, it’s a really scary world out there. I would like to use a lot of words to describe how I feel about the exclusivity and bigotry that seems to infiltrate every dark corner in America right now. But those words will have to be set aside, scribbled only in my journal, or cried only to my husband before brushing my teeth or while I’m slicing tomato. Those words are not for public consumption. But neither is the hatred that permeates our culture. And so tonight God, we gather in love. We gather in peace. We gather in hope. Tonight come to honor the souls who danced until their last moment. We gaze at the stars - at the great cloud of witnesses above us, and we call out the names of those who have gone before us. And we say thanks be to God.

Suggestive, Sassy, and the Silent Observer

First Austin's #JourneyLent
Week One: February 21, 2015

43 The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee. He found Philip and said to him, ‘Follow me.’ 44Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. 45Philip found Nathanael and said to him, ‘We have found him about whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus son of Joseph from Nazareth.’ 46Nathanael said to him, ‘Can anything good come out of Nazareth?’ Philip said to him, ‘Come and see.’ 47When Jesus saw Nathanael coming towards him, he said of him, ‘Here is truly an Israelite in whom there is no deceit!’ 48Nathanael asked him, ‘Where did you come to know me?’ Jesus answered, ‘I saw you under the fig tree before Philip called you.’ 49Nathanael replied, ‘Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!’ 50Jesus answered, ‘Do you believe because I told you that I saw you under the fig tree? You will see greater things than these.’ 51And he said to him, ‘Very truly, I tell you,* you will see heaven opened and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.’ John 1:43-51

Philip is great. I see some of myself in Philip. From this text we ascertain that he's read his history books and knows his faith story. I like it when people have read their testaments. Both of them. All of them. Not just the parts that suit an obscure political agenda (#homosexualityisonlyin6bibleverses #abortionisn'tinany). Philip's belief in his faith story is so integrated into his personal narrative that when Jesus calls him, not only does Philip follow him, but he recruits his friends. Philip knows a good thing when he sees it, and invites others to check it out. He is the best kind of friend. "I found this great new restaurant on East 7th - you gotta try it." Or, "I found the Messiah we've been waiting for, you have to meet him!"

Grasshoppers, Gravity, and a Really Great Story

Listen here!

Isaiah 40:21-31 (NRSV)
Mark 1:29-39  (NRSV)

Welcome to the fifth Sunday of Epiphany, the second to last Sunday before Lent. In the tradition of epiphany, we have read yet another story from Mark about the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles.

It’s a whopper of a text. Chock full of demon possession and deadly diseases and even a Christ who goes AWOL. The Old Testament text from Isaiah is a little easier to swallow except that the God who once called us the cream of the crop, humanity: the pinnacle of creation (in Genesis 1) is now reminding us that it is God who takes down the rulers of the earth and we, God’s creation, are like little grasshoppers in comparison. :)

Literature is the best. So many ways of communicating how we feel or how we feel God feels, or whatever.

I wonder if it was this passage from Isaiah that inspired Mary Oliver to pen “The Summer Day.”

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Hard to make much of your life when you’re lying in bed dying from a fever though. This, of course, was the predicament of Simon Peter’s mother-in-law in the Mark passage.

Aside from the dying part, this is a great story. We learn that Simon Peter has a family - he’s one of the few disciples who was married. And he brings his new friends and new messiah to his house, to stay with his family. As such, it is in Simon Peter’s home that Jesus performs his first healing miracle. It’s the second miracle and the first healing the disciples witness after having left everything - jobs, girls, family, their favorite spot to watch the sun set - to follow Jesus on this crazy vagabond adventure.

Transition: Something Just Broke

The movement into Holy Week starts off strong and exciting - like any good religious festival. From Sunday's palm branch waving and animal joyriding to tomorrow night's dinner with friends, things seem to be going well for Jesus and the Disciples.

But today, Holy Wednesday is traditionally the day that Judas is said to have gone to the High Priests... "What will you give me if I betray him?" Thirty pieces of silver later, and our story takes a swift turn for the worse. Way beyond foreshadowing, the climax builds as things fall apart.

At the passover dinner, Jesus hints that one will deny him, another betray him, and a party guest leaves in a huff.

Bread is broken and eaten, wine is poured and drunk, but the symbolism isn't traditional, and the disciples wonder what these mixed up metaphors might mean.

After dinner, Jesus excuses himself up to the garden to pray, taking with him his three closest friends. He asks them to wait and keep watch, while he begs God: let there be another way.

But God says no, and when Jesus returns, more disappointment awaits him. He finds his comrades snoozing, the passover hangover already upon them.

Heading back down the hill, things go from bad to worse as the one who ran away comes running back with guards in tow, a kiss of death upon his lips.

Peter draws his sword and the fight escalates when he cuts off a slave's ear. But Jesus, usually the peacemaker, knows that violence must wait a day and it certainly won't come from an army of angry revolutionaries.

But as Jesus returns the ear to the poor servant's head, his friends begin to panic. Everyone takes flight now, one fleeing so fast that when a guard grabs his cloak the disciple wriggles free and runs naked all the way home.

Jesus, on the other hand, is restrained, imprisoned, and left to await trial and potential capital punishment.

And we move from Holy Wednesday to Maundy Thursday.

Sleepy stewards, double-crossing kisses, and then... something just broke.

I'm Working on MLK (and what it means to me)

It's MLK Day.

I've written about this day before. And over the years, I've spent it in a variety of ways: playing in the snow since I didn't have to go to school in Missouri, raking leaves when I didn't have to go to work in Texas. And one year I even attended an MLK Day breakfast at Huston-Tillotson University with Austin icon, Volma Overton.

This year though, I will go to work (ah, corporate America); and I admit MLK Jr. is on my mind.

I can't pinpoint why. Maybe it's because I listened to this weird "I'm over MLK" discussion on NPR. I mean, I can't even...

Or maybe I'm paranoid about the gentrification of my neighborhood. Though admittedly, on my block, its affected the poorer Latino families more than it's affected the African Americans.

Or maybe I'm dreading all the MLK meme that will undoubtedly be posted on FB tomorrow - by conservatives trying to show they're not racist and by liberals trying to tell people to stop being racist. (None of it really matters as history suggests that few change their mind because of Facebook posts). (Furthermore, I will post some lovely meme on this blog to break up the text and appeal to visual readers).

A Whirlwind of Change - 3 Years Later

A Whirlwind of Change

Texts: 2 Kings 2:1-14 and Hebrews 13:6-8

This is the third time I've delivered a version of this sermon. The first was at Lakeshore Baptist in Waco, Texas in 2004, the second was at Sanctuary in Tarrytown in 2010 and the third was last Sunday at First Baptist of Austin, the church I worked at from September 2005-October 2010. You may listen to the spoken words at First Austin's Website - "2013-10-27" will get you there, but be fair warned, I was a little weepy. While this is an impassioned sermon about change and loss, I did not expect to be as affected as I was. I attribute this to several realities in my life some of which I share in the sermon and others that remain hidden in my heart. Plus, this was my first time "back" at First Austin in a pastoral capacity. While I have helped with weddings and funerals since I left my position there, and performed with Trinity Street Players in Blood Brothers last year, this was my first time back to the pulpit. It was an honor to be asked back by my former boss and my former congregation, and a testimony to my journey these past three years that I was able to say yes. I've wrestled with calling... from the stage to the pulpit to the microphone to the computer - who am I? What should I do with my one wild and precious life? This fall has proved a ministerial season for me: four weddings and a funeral (yep, it's true), three lectures at UBC in Austin and finally preaching last Sunday at First Austin. No theatre this fall for Ann Catherine... no Les Mis, no Man of La Mancha, no Falsettos - too many performance conflicts. So unbeknownst to me, a season of ministry began in September and is now winding down. And amidst the winds of change in my own life, I preached this sermon about a man and a mentor and the great wind that blew over him. 

Enjoy (italics is sung). 

What can I do with my obsession?

With the things I cannot see?

Is there madness in my being?

Is it the wind that moves the trees?

Sometimes you’re further than the moon

Sometimes you’re closer than my skin

And you surround me like a winter fog

You come and burn me with a kiss

And my heart burns for you

And my heart burns

Elisha was obsessed, and Elijah (his master) had only three trips left to make before the Lord would take him away. Gilgal, Jericho and the Jordan all needed some final work done before he left. Elijah had anointed Elisha, and had just a few ends to tie up before he knew God would call him home.

We don’t know why he didn’t want Elisha to accompany him. Perhaps he wanted to finish those last three visits by himself. Perhaps he needed time to think or reflect before he left the earth. Maybe he worried about his disciple Elisha, and thought the trips and the whirlwind would be too much for him in these last few days. Or maybe he was tired of always being followed around by an obsessive student. But whatever the reason, three times Elijah told Elisha, “No, don’t come with me,” and three times Elisha replied, “Not gonna happen; I will not leave you.”

It’s almost humorous reading the text, for in each scenario the same thing happens. “Don’t come with me Elisha.” “Too late,” Elisha replies. Elisha’s obsession about staying with Elijah reminds me of the beginning of the book of Ruth when she refuses to return to her own county but vows to stay with Naomi instead.  It reminds me of Sam’s allegiance to Frodo, Sandy's following of the Little Orphan Annie, or of C3PO to R2D2.           

The Eve of the Election

It's been ugly, really ugly.  And now I have a stomach ache.  I hope that after tomorrow, we will know the results of this election and it will be over for a least another four years.  And I hope that the election is successful... that voter fraud, while I know it won't be eliminated, will be kept in check.  Just this afternoon, Clarence, my next door neighbor, asked me if I had voted yet.  I told him the line at Randall's near where I work was too long on Friday and I had decided to wait til Tuesday.  He said he was voting tomorrow too.  He had tried to vote last week, but they said they couldn't find him in the system and he wouldn't be able to vote.

WHAT?

He's over 70 years old.  He's lived in Austin probably longer than I've been alive.  He's lived in the same neighborhood, in the same house.  He has the same Texas drivers' license that the rest of us do.

Oh, but he's black.

And smart too.  So he came home and did his research and found his voter ID card and tomorrow when he shows up at the pools, he'll have a pad and paper with him to record the names and details of any situation that arises when he makes a second attempt to vote.

One of my girlfriends from Ragtime (shameless plug: 10 performances left!) applied for her absentee ballot, she never got it.  She called and bugged them again and again.  A neighbor finally brought it to her door, it had been delivered to the wrong house just last week.  She wouldn't have gotten it at all had her neighbor returned it to sender.

She's black too.

Six Months of Madness

So, I've been pretty silent for the past six months or so when it comes to politics. This is probably due to the fact that I got a lot of hate mail on FB about my politically charged posts that I posted on my very own facebook wall (yes, that's a soapbox). People de-friended me (were they really friends at all?), sent me emails admonishing me in my Christian faith and witness (perhaps I should stop calling myself a "Christian" so people will stop judging me by their Christianity), or people just wrote dumb blurbs in my comments section.

On the other hand, it would seriously take me a week to comment on all the ridiculous crap being spewed by conservatives, not to mention the junk I'm-not-actually-liberal back bending non-conservatives have been doing lately. A week. I work full time and do full-time theater. I don't have time to solve America's problems in my spare time. But I do have time to vote, and read facebook. And what I discovered was that much of what I want to say has been succinctly and humorously summed up in graphic art and quotes. So... here is my latest political blog. And it's in pictures. Because sometimes creativity is a more effective communicator than we are.

Here we go...

Regarding the Republican platform...

Lance Hutchins 
4 hours ago

These days, they call everything a "war" except our actual wars.
.

P.S. If your presidential candidate can be compared to a character on The Simpsons, there is something wrong with your political party. And no, I didn't get all the answers correct on that quiz. How absurd is that?

Regarding women's rights...

Regarding homosexuals (and other sub-humans)...

Regarding separation of church and state (or the inability of people to stop calling their sexism, racism, homophobia and greed "Christianity") ...

Regarding Rush Limbaugh...

Enough said.

The Head and the Heart...

My first day of class at William Jewell College in 1996, the professor announced that Moses and that whole 10 Commandments business never actually happened, and then assigned us to read 60 pages in a three-ring binder-of-all-binders textbook that he and another religion professor were writing together. My professor smiled, laughed and sent us on our way.

And that pretty much sums up my Jewell experience.

I was shocked at what I didn’t know about the Bible (or rather, what I had spent years asking the church about, but never received any answers for).

I was shocked when I met students from small towns and conservative backgrounds here at Jewell who thought that women couldn’t do the same thing as men, that women didn’t belong in church leadership.

I was shocked that I couldn’t have a good Christian boy in my dorm room past 10pm on weeknights, and I was shocked when that same good Christian boy (and many others after him) sent all my romantic ideals sprawling after breaking my heart.

But I was kind of naïve back then. Perhaps I still am.

I started calling God “She” at some point during my junior year at Jewell I think. I did it mostly to prove a point to my male classmates, to make them feel as estranged by the gospel as I sometimes felt. And sometimes when I would read whole passages of scripture out loud, I substituted all the “he’s” with “she’s,” but mostly that was just to drive my point home. If Jesus could be hyperbolic (remember that whole if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off story?) then so could I.

Once I got to seminary I actually got called out once by a professor for some over the top feminist comment I wrote in one of my papers. “I think you’re citing this source just to be dramatic,” he wrote in the margin. Perhaps I thought, as I flipped through my paper, noting that he gave me an “A” anyway.

I was kind of dogmatic back then. Perhaps I still am.

The world we live in is a startling place. If one thing isn’t surprising you, it’s surprising someone else. And what seems status quo to someone else is shocking the socks off you. Cause we’re all at different places on our journey and the curious part about journey is we don’t even end up at the same destination. My grandfather was baptized by immersion in my parents’ Baptist church when he was 89 years old despite the fact that he grew up in the Methodist church and continued to attend the Methodist church after his Baptist baptism. My second cousin is a UU (pronounced youyou), a Unitarian Universalist despite the fact that for years she taught on a religion faculty and called herself a Christian. A woman I went to seminary with dropped out halfway through our time there, converted to Judaism, and then married a rabbi. Albert Camus, arguably one of the greatest existential thinkers and nihilists of modern time is said to have converted to Christianity on his deathbed.

The funny thing about the journey is that we don’t all end up at the same place.

I wrote a friend once, “Do you think it’s possible to believe in Jesus but not believe in God?”

“Well,” she responded, “Most people who abandon one tend to believe in God but let go of the Jesus stuff. But you’re not most people and that’s what I love about you.”

Why am I telling you all this? Why tell the stories of those who have left the faith, confused the faith, added to the faith, subtracted from the faith? Shouldn’t Jewell have hired me to come give you clarity, insight, hope, maybe even a little God-breathed Holy Spirit?

I was asked to speak tonight about the head and the heart. How do we reconcile intellectual Christianity with emotional Christianity? Are they compatible? If so, how do we balance the two? How do they influence and inform each other?

While I enjoy speaking from a specific text and equally enjoy speaking on a given subject as both give me time to wrestle with my thoughts juxtapose them with academia, ask how that relates to my personal experiences and then wonder at the role that beauty plays in it all, this subject of “the head and the heart” really threw me for a loop.

And then I remembered something another religion professor said to me my second year at Jewell. “Christianity should be like a three-legged stool,” he said, “the Bible, your experience, and Christian tradition” (or what I would call, community) “should all three inform your faith.”

A three-legged stool.

And if we apply this head and heart thing to the stool analogy, then the head or academia would be Scripture: our stories, our laws, our literature. And the heart would of course be our experiences. And if that’s the case, then the two elements of our faith that we’re talking about tonight are insufficient in and of themselves. Using this metaphor, our stool would only have two legs.

So I turned to the text.

The Jewish shema, or Deuteronomic code, found in Deuteronomy 6 is a prayer and admonition that sums of the Torah and its teachings, sums up the law. If anyone asks a Jewish person to give a testimony of their faith in 10 seconds, this would be a possible starting place. “The LORD our God, the LORD is one,” it reads. “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.”

If you’ve never read Deuteronomy 6:4-9, it will at least sound familiar to you because it’s the latter half of this that Jesus cites when he is cornered by the Pharisees and others who ask, what is the greatest commandment of all. Each of the synoptic gospels records a similar response.

In Matthew, Jesus states, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” (22:37). And in Mark he says, “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength” (12:30). And in Luke 10:27 we read, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbour as yourself.”

As Luke 10 demonstrates, Jesus and the man talking to him, add, “Love your neighbor as yourself” to the “love your God with your heart and mind” part of the Deuteronomic code. Matthew and Mark do the same: “‘you shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets,” writes Matthew (22:39). And Mark says, “‘you shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (12:31).

In John we don’t get quite the same stories in quite the same fashion. In John, Jesus doesn’t reference the Shema, he simply tells his disciples, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another” (John 13:34).

So in reflecting on these texts, I wonder if this whole head and heart conversation is missing something… what if it’s missing our hands? What if the question of intellect and emotion isn’t leaving out part of the equation? What if the best Christianity is practiced when it’s a combination of our heads, our hearts and our hands?

There were Jewish scholars like Nicodemus who snuck out at night to have theological conversations with Jesus. There were broken-hearted women who came to him seeking acceptance and love. There were sick, bleeding and ostracized people who needed a little dirt and spit rubbed into their wounds. And to each Jesus gave his mind, his heart and his hands.

And perhaps, so should we.

Some of us make great medical missionaries, we build houses with the best of them, we can teach sewing and farming and other sustainable economic options. We know how to use our hands.

And there are some of us who can go into the rich, white, suburban classrooms where the teenagers have everything their hearts’ desire (clothes, cars, collagen, cocaine, all the best colleges calling on the phone) and offer those teenagers hope, that indeed, despite all their stuff, stuff that will eventually expire, there is grace, that indeed, there is a God who loves them apart from it all, loves them as they are with or without the purse, with or without their ability to perform.

And there are some of us who can look at the night sky and name all the stars and constellations and clusters, and give a name to the Wonder who created them.

The hands, the heart, and the head. Some of us are better at one over another, but truthfully, we need all three to survive. And it’s all three that Jesus asks us to engage.

Love the Lord your God will all your heart and mind, and love your neighbor. Love God with everything that you are, and take care of the people around you.

Your heart, your head and your hands. I don’t know where you’ll end up if you engage all three. I can’t quite even tell you where my faith will lead me. All I can do is remind you to be gentle with one another, for you never know where your neighbor is in the head, heart, and hands journey. And be gentle with yourself too. The world is a scary, shocking place, and if you haven’t discovered that the world will hurt you, you will soon enough, and you will discover that you do your fair share of hurting others too. But with a balance of our heads, our hearts, and our hands, we stand a better chance of being the whole and healthy people God longs for us to be…

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your mind, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and for heaven’s sake, love your neighbor as yourself.

Deo Fisus Labora.

Rev. Ann Pittman

William Jewell College "Mosaic"

October 27, 2011

One Year Later

Summer sunlight

glitters on the water.

Sweet colors of fall

drift down and land

on my new woodpile.

Winter is full of snow

and cold, but inside

the woodstove glows.

Then spring again

Our lives pass away.

It's been one year since I quit my professional job, and to be a self-employed actor, writer, speaker and... nanny.

One year.

One year ago, I wrote this blog which began... "the day my job ended, I flew to Disney World..."

And one year later, I flew back. I ran/walked my second 5K through animal kingdom (and as this year I was prepared, I ran as the Red Queen of Hearts from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland).

However, I passed on the offer to yet again run 5 miles later that evening as part of the Wine & Dine Half Marathon Relay. I gave explicit instructions to Sam and Lynnette to protect me should my adrenaline rush or any euphoria from the Magic Kingdom delude me into agreeing to do so (because I knew the Davidsons would play paper/rock/scissors for who would run that night and I knew I'd get volunteered!). While Lindley seemed less enthused about her run this year in the kids races (I guess Disney isn't always the "happiest" place on earth), the rest of the weekend was a blast and I love spending time with the oogly Ogles and the definitely a little cray cray Davidson family. Thanks again guys for including me in your family reunion. Being adopted by families is the best.

One year ago to gain steady (ahem) income I began nannying for one of my best friends who had beat cancer just a few months earlier... so we thought. But cancer's a bitch, and it came back with a vengeance as you may remember. One year later though and my friend beat cancer a second time and survived her bone marrow transplant and just last week (Wednesday Sept 28th to be exact) she found out that her scans were clean! I gave her a necklace that evening that I'd bought for her with wishful thinking at the Pecan Street Festival the Sunday before. It read, "I Kicked Cancer's Ass." Awesome. And she did.

One year ago I got my first boyfriend (you knew it was coming) since I don't know, like 2008. He was pretty swell, and I did love him dearly. Relationships are hard though, and one year later, we were done with that one. (Yes, I kept the nose ring).

One year ago I began auditioning in and around Austin to begin pursuing an acting (dare I say it?) career. At my second audition I was cast as Eva Peron in Evita, at my seventh audition, I was cast in the chorus of Stop the World I Want to Get Off at my first professional theatrical performance since 1997, and at my twentieth audition, I was cast as Amalia in She Loves Me which opens November 18th with the Wimberley Players. Theater is hard work and despite multiple callbacks, several "we hope to work with you in the future," and even one "wow, you have a wonderful voice, now could you sing that again and pretend to be a gazelle being chased by a lion," 17 rejections is still a lot of rejections. Fortunately, I've been doing theater for over 26 years (my first voice-over was for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest when I was six years old). And I've directed, produced, and choreographed multiple shows in those 29 years and I know that not being cast is (usually) nothing personal. The director has a vision, and you either fit it or you don't. So I keep looking to mesh my dream with someone else's... and three times in one year, that happened. I consider myself a pretty lucky woman.

One year ago I committed myself to more writing, more speaking, more... creating. I called it Operation Strange Bird and since then, I started an author fan page on Facebook (please *like* me!). I flew to Santa Fe to officiate my best friend's wedding. I flew to Colorado and wrote a book (which I promptly decided was horrible). And I flew to Guatemala to speak at a pastor's conference in Queltzaltenango (funded entirely by Crazy Carol Pittman, the Missouri Baptist Convention and the Guatemalan Baptist Convention) about art & faith (feel free to read my notes on storytelling and claiming beauty). It was an amazing (if short) trip and I learned so much and met some freaking amazing like the little girl whose toes were eaten off by rats. I wrote almost every day for 30 days taking the Trust Me Ralph Waldo Emerson challenge. I started writing more openly about my view on politics especially with regard to it's interaction with the church and religion. I preached at a church here in Austin (read the sermon if you want), and October 26 & 27 I will preach at my Alma mater, William Jewell College! I sang at a gala and in churches and for funerals and was hired to officiate a second wedding via a "need a minister?" website reference. I met with a very gifted Internet guru who people would have paid thousands of dollars to get an audience with to talk about a Strange Bird website. All in all, while no one is beating down my door to hear me preach or dying to front me money for a book deal, I am making progress. Baby steps, they say.

In the past year, I've gone home to Missouri four times. Wow! (Thanksgiving, Christmas, for my vacation and when my grandpa got sick). And I'll be home again in a few weeks (when I speak at Jewell) and again at Christmas. I LOVE MY FAMILY! Going home is awesome. I wish everyone could do it more often.

To help pay the mortgage (because nannying, acting, and preaching aren't terribly lucrative), I rented out my second bedroom, thank goodness, because the month I quit my job, my roommate told me she was moving back to Houston. This was great for her, but scary timing for me. Since then I've welcomed three more amazing women to 5406 (and had to say goodbye too) and one year later (tomorrow in fact), two more roomies will move in (I hope they like Halloween!...).

Like you, I said goodbye to a decade, and on 1-1-11 I remembered the past and I mondo beyondo-ed the future. I learned how to live life apart from the church and the church learned to live without me :) In general, I wrote a little and thought a lot. I had very little money and just enough money. I gave much away (mostly books) and took much in (mostly beauty). My faith has broadened as the less secure I felt, the more I depended on God. And my friends, well, I made lots of new ones: Hildreth, Wendy, Taylor, Angela... and I was reminded that sometimes you get by with a little help from friends, and sometimes... with a lot of help. Thank you Chris & Michelle, Lynnette & Sam, Cathy & Ken, Josie & Jay, Jane & Bill, and Bethany, Amy, Melanie, Nicolette, and all the others...

What a year, one year later.

("Our Lives Pass Away" by David Budbill)

Finally a Post on America's Budget Problems, Or Why Jesus Would Still Get Killed Today

Part of the reason scholars say Jesus died on what is now called "Good Friday" is because of the subversive nature of his message against the empire. This video breaks down the agenda of the majority party in the House, and while you or I may not agree with all of the solutions they offer, it is helpful to see the pictograph of the financial facts about where the government really spends their money...

Particularly troubling to me is not even the attempted de-funding of PBS (though that did piss me off), but the fact that our military budget received no cuts. And yet, currently, we are engaged in three wars and have been in war for the longest time ever in America's history as a nation. Trillions of dollars already spent. (For those who say the problem is Democrats and their spending, I remind them of the wars that Bush 1 & 2 got us in and the TRILLIONS of dollars that cost us. That's a lot of zeros people. $x,xxx,xxx,xxx,xxx) And God only knows how much more (money) that will cost us. As an older, wiser Littlechap notes when addressing the nation in Stop the World I Want To Get Off (the show I'm doing right now), "Too much has been screwed up for too long for too many by two few." Sadly, he's correct.

My grandmother sent me a letter a few months ago in which she wrote, "I am concerned about the world as a whole, and USA especially. I have never complained of taxes. I can’t fix pot holes, keep up highways, provide police and fire protection, help with the homeless and those much less fortunate than I, and I appreciate a government who will do it for me. I remember the first income tax I ever paid, and how proud I was that I was earning enough money to pay taxes. What is with these people who earn hundreds of thousands of dollars, and are so afraid taxes are going up?"

How proud I was to pay my taxes?! My how the world has changed. She continues, "Worried about the deficit – raise taxes I say. But on those who can afford it. I feel for friends who are living on their social security checks – because everything – everything, is going up. Utilities, gas, milk, bread, everything. I don’t know how they get by. Even those who have two wage earners, if it is small wages must be suffering – and single parents. But to those who are earning many thousands and up, I say divvy up guys!"

You see, huge companies in America aren't paying their taxes. Take General Electric who made over $5 billion of profit (in the US) and paid ZERO taxes. (And that doesn't count the rest of GE's profits made overseas that are not subject to our taxes unless they spend that money in the US). From 9 Things the Rich Don't Want You To Know About Taxes "It's true that the top 1 percent of wage earners paid 38% of the federal income taxes in 2008 (the most recent year for which data is available). But people forget that the income tax is less than half of the federal taxes and only one-fifth of taxes at all levels of government. In Wisconsin, Terrance Wall, who unsuccessfully (shocker) sought the Republican nomination for U.S. Senate in 2010, paid no income taxes on as much as $14 million of recent income, his disclosure forms showed. Asked about his living tax-free while working people pay taxes, he had a simple response: Everyone should pay less." What a jerk.

So, not only are the individual millionaires and billionaires not paying their taxes, but neither are giant corporations. But, instead of taxing these people who have been getting away with ripping off their country (what patriots, huh?), instead of cutting military costs, the House has proposed cuts to many of the programs vital to our country today including Medicare for the elderly and education for our children. And as for wellness exams for women, birth control, HPV prevention? Gotta get rid of that! (Only 2% of what Planned Parenthood does is actual abortions which are currently legal in America and not funded by the government, but privately). In other words, let's continue to privilege the already privileged and make life more challenging for the middle class, poverty-stricken, women, children and elderly.

Wow.

Want some figures? The budget proposed by the House cuts $8.5 billion from low-income housing, but keeps $8.4 billion for deductions on people's 2nd vacation homes (as in they've already got house #1 that they live in, and their vacation house #2, but this references house #3, their second vacation home). It cuts $2.5 billion for home heating for the poor, but keeps $2.5 billion in offshore drilling subsidies. It cuts funding for 10 million malaria bed nets that keep kids from dying, and not one line item from military spending.

I'm reminded of the popular Facebook post that was going around: Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, NPR and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401K's, took billions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves millions in bonuses, gave unlimited and undisclosed amounts of money to politicians and paid no taxes? Yeah, me neither.

Our priorities are off as a nation. We will never be the leading nation in the world today with cuts in education and elimination of provisions for our people.

And if you want to play the "Christian" card regarding politics? Never in the gospels does Jesus encourage the rich to keep their money (he says render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, and he references Micah's give to God 10% of what you make), never does he say keep the lepers on the outside of town and keep them "unclean," never does Jesus deny women or children the right to be around him or learn just like the men do. Never does Jesus say "don't feed the poor," "blessed are the rich" or "blessed are the war-hungry." And never does he talk about abortion, homosexuality, or abstinence before marriage.

So if you're gonna play the WWJD card, you better not talk to me about abortion or gays in the military or abstinence-only birth control programs in our schools. And you better not talk to me about war or the military or the death penalty. Because, as A.A. Bondy aptly wrote in their song, American Hearts, "If your God makes war then he's no God I know, cause Christ would not send boys to die."

Except his own. Because of Christ's subversive message of upside-down spirituality (drawing on God's long history of beseeching through the prophets)... because he commends those who when he was hungry gave him something to eat, when he was thirsty, gave him something to drink, when he was a stranger, invited him him, when he was naked, clothed him, when he was sick, visited him, when he was in prison, came to him, because whenever we do these things for the least of these, we do them for Christ.... because he did not fight Rome with swords on behalf of the oppressed Jewish people, but rather taught them how not (in turn) to oppress those weaker than them... because he called God (indeed himself) King and taught a way of life completely subversive to the materialistic, chauvinistic, hedonistic worldview of the Romans and even the Jews themselves (remember those money changers in the Temple?)... Christ was sentenced with capital punishment.

And because we as a church do not do an adequate job of taking care of the physical and spiritual needs of the people around us; and indeed because the church does not have the resources to do so even if we committed to this calling, the government has a responsibility to step up. It is the government of the people, elected by the people, who has the calling to protect us from mis-education, under-education, corporate oppression, and provide us with the opportunities to practice and embody our inalienable rights.

I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but for some reason, on Good Friday, it seemed appropriate. I do not whittle down everything Christ did in his life and death as political, but I'm sick of people who call themselves Christians mis-using the Bible to propagate their right-wing political (not Christian) agenda. And I'm sick of people only getting their news from Fox. So, here's some of the facts friends. I don't have the expertise to volunteer an adequate solution, but I do write my representatives bi-weekly advocating (among other things, and if you're a follower of my blog you probably already know what most of those are) that they tax the wealthy and cut military spending, in part because of my convictions as a Christian, but also because of my convictions as a patriot of the United States of America.

A Prayer

God, it’s morning again….the light rises & fills this room….streaks of color adorning the nets, purging the darkness, probing relentlessly into the most resistant corners of our souls. I wonder if a single beam of light will curl into our hearts this time, chasing away shadows left over from too many demanding yesterdays or restless nights.

We watch for You, wondering if there will be one clear, no-mistaking word, addressed to us alone, compelling us beyond any compromise, certain beyond any doubting, assuring beyond any confusion.

There are many out there who are so very sure and there are many here who want to be sure, but not all of us are so sure. We are blessed, yes, beyond all telling…beyond all thanking…beyond all deserving…but still….we wonder why? Why us and not some others who seem to need it so much more? Why us, when we can give you a thousand reasons why we don’t deserve the goodness that has come. Ah, sometimes we are just so weary of ourselves.

Another day comes yet wisps of yesterday still clutter….being there for whoever asks…mouthing more wisdom than is in our heart…offering more encouragement than we truly feel..giving more answers than honest truth allows….Yet, you work miracles with it all, turning the little loaves & fishes that we all are into food for others. Maybe that’s the clearest sign of You…and maybe that is enough.

Is it Father’s Day all over the world? Or just here? In some cultures, Father’s are revered…in others, tolerated…in all places, relationships with fathers are mixed…Some fathers’ bless, some wound, most of us aren’t sure how to do this job…we all want to do it better….somehow mother’s know better how to be mothers than many of us know how to be fathers….but we love our children…we seek to do the best for them…& if we are wise, we will look to You, the One we call Father, for guidance. So hear as we pray the prayer given by Your Son….Our Father….

Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory forever
Amen.

Rev. Dr. Roger A. Paynter
June 20, 2010

Emerging Synchroblog

In response to a request for an Emerging Synchroblog that all bloggers involved in church life (whether conversants in the Emergant Village or not) write about the question, "What is Emerging in the Church?" here I go...

I think what is emerging in the church is inclusivity. I say that not because it is what I hope for (though I do), but I say that because finally the church and believers as a whole are generally moving towards a more inclusive theology of God.

Like Jonah before them, many Christians are digging in their heels and even swimming out to sea to avoid sharing a pew with a black man, a pulpit with a woman or communion bread with a homosexual, but it's happening.

While women were leaders and preachers in the early church, somewhere along we way, we as Christians lost our bearing. Even early abbesses were ordained in the 2nd century whereas now they're only blessed. But, in 1974, the church I'm in began ordaining women as deacons. In 2006, I became the 6th or 7th female they'd ordained to the ministry (with three more coming after me). A few months ago I was the "token woman's resume" in a Dallas church's search for a senior pastor. And while that royally pissed me off (I found out later they'd already chosen their candidate but needed to say they'd "looked at" a woman's resume), my current pastor and mentor reminded me that I could be the "token female" for future generations of women. He's right. And one day we'll see women priests in the Catholic church and we won't think twice about whether or not to hire a woman pastor for our church...

In 1948 Carlyle Marney began the difficult task of integrating the church i currently attend and also fighting 13 racist bills in the Texas Legislature. In 1963 my church passed a resolution about membership not being exclusive or determined by race. In 1967 they ordained their first "black" deacon. Now, color isn't a consideration when we invite people to be deacons or preach from our pulpit. (And maybe one day we'll have a black senior pastor in addition to a female senior pastor).

In 1976, the Episcopal church affirmed that gay men and women were children of God deserving acceptance and pastoral care. In 1992 an American Baptist church in Minnesota called a gay pastor to be their minister and a Southern Baptist church in North Carolina ordained a gay seminary student. Someday it will be okay to be a Christian who is gay and be a member of a congregation. Someday it will be okay to be a deacon who is gay, and someday it will be okay to be a pastor who is gay.

Each of these "issues" I've named (being a woman, being a minority, being gay) began by being labeled as a "sin" or "sub-human" or "not holy enough to matter" by a people group in the majority and in control. And each of these types of people, through the grace of God, has been seen for what they really are - a unique expression of the diversity of God - and their oppressors exposed in their own judgmental sin.

And Jonah went to Nineveh. And Nineveh was invited into covenant with God.

Inclusivism: God's all inclusive love. God's reckless adoration for all of humanity regardless of race or gender or sexual orientation or you fill in the blank. This is where God is leading us and this is how I think the church is slowing emerging. The church is emerging from a worldview of exclusive "God only loves people who look and act and think like me" to God loves everyone and maybe even has planned for me to learn and grow from these people that I once considered "other."

Thanks be to God...

(P.S. If you want to read what other people think is emerging in the Church, a full list of participants in this write-off can be found at One Hand Clapping.)

My Mom Has No Arms or Legs: One Family's Journey

Faithfulness - Fruit of Spirit #7

This is what I preached at Beresheth last night (a few hours ago). You should read Acts 10 before you read this sermon though...

Can you recite them with me? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Our 7th fruit tonight: Faithfulness.

What do you think of when you think of the word faithfulness?

I think of a husband and wife. Not gonna lie. I don’t think of God or Jesus on the cross or my walk in Christ or anything like that; I think of marriage. Will my husband be faithful to me someday? Will I stay faithful to him? What if he is unfaithful? What will I do?

It’s baggage. I have baggage with the word faithfulness. Faithfulness or unfaithfulness as I understand it is not just about possibilities or potentiality, it’s personal.

But of course faithfulness has much more to it than adultery or idolatry depending on who the subject is. If I were here to speak of my faithfulness to God, I would be shaking in my boots, shivering in my flannel, setting down my axe and removing the log from my own eye so I could see into yours. Fortunately, I don’t think faithfulness to God has to be compared to being married to your spouse. There may be some common threads, but truth be told, if I honestly look at my faithfulness to God and compare it to the way I plan on being and working at being faithful to my husband, God would have divorced me years ago. I am not a faithful Christian.

But what does it mean to be faithful? That your life is a “living prayer?” That serving others is always at the top of your list? That telling people about Jesus is your number one priority in life? That you are “in love” with Jesus who is the husband of the church and your one true love? That involvement in God’s church, God’s community means seeing the best in everyone - loving your neighbor but loving your enemies even more? Does it mean being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind… hold on, hold on. You lost me at loving.

If that’s what it means to be faithful, then consider me divorced. If not divorced, at least separated. A marriage with God would never work with what I’ve put into, or rather, failed to put into it thus far.

Thankfully though, faithfulness is not necessarily about staying faithful to what you already know or feel to be true. According to the story we read from Acts, faithfulness to God means always being open to the new things God has to teach you, being open to the new calling God is offering you, being open to receiving the new, fuller life God wants to give you.

Peter thought he knew it all. He’d been with Jesus, he’d been misguided, he’d been forgiven and now he understood what it meant to be a Jewish follower of Jesus Christ the Messiah. But Peter had some growing to do, some ways to be more faithful to his calling in Christ. You see, Peter thought salvation was for the Jews only, he didn’t realize that the Gentiles, the outsiders were a part of God’s redemptive process as well. But after a vision of a meal and a visit to a stranger, Peter hears the testimony of the Gentile, sees the Holy Spirit descend on him and it is Peter who believes. Believes that God is bigger, believes that God is more faithful, believes that he himself has some growing to do. Because truthfully, Peter didn’t have it all down, and neither do we. Just when I put the book back on the shelf because I think I’ve mastered one truth about God, God opens a window to a whole new dimension of that truth. Just when I think I’ve got God’s character pigeon-holed, in flies a dove to lift my eyes up to a whole new, bigger God. Just when I think I’ve got the doctrine down, down fall the walls of my well-structured life, my expectations of tradition, community and the Bible, and suddenly a new understanding of God begins to be reconstructed.

I hope you don’t find this word overwhelming or crippling. I don’t mean to dampen your day, raining down discouraging news that we will never make it, that we are always falling short, are always changing.

Rather, this story is actually an encouraging reminder that we’re not God. And if we get to the point where we think we are God, we think we have the answers, we think we know the right way to live and we’re good at sharing that with others – if we get to that point, we’ve actually become unfaithful to the Gospel of Christ.

We’re not falling short when we discover that (truth be told) we’re always learning – that’s faithfulness. We are indeed always changing, and that doesn’t have to scare us. It’s okay to live day to day doing our best - that’s faithfulness. It’s okay to take one step at a time - that’s faithfulness. It’s okay to feel like you don’t understand it all. Neither did Peter, the rock of the Christian church! And you certainly don’t have to have it all together. None of the apostles did, and none of us do now.

We are all in community, seeking to be faithful even amidst change, and learning that transitioning through life may be the most faithful thing we can do as Christians. To be open to God moving in us – that’s faithfulness.

And so “just a closer walk with thee” is not what I’m looking for in my relationship with God.

“Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for.”

An openness to God, an ever-changing and ever-challenging sense of call, an exciting newness to my faith, a recognition that God will always work beyond my wildest imagination.

That’s what I long to be faithful to…