Thursday, February 08, 2007

new post? you wanna new post?

fine. here it is. ambien-fied, but true.

14 hour work day, just got home an hour ago.
12 hour work day yesterday.
funeral today - jerry keesee who died too young in most of our opinions. but who are we to judge god? did we make the wind and the seas? or so they say. and i cried very hard for janet. did you know that they both had a dream the same night that they were supposed to marry each other and the next day of course they told each other their dreams. and obviously, they did end up getting married. that would never work today. your typical male-committment-phobe would freak out, dump you and then ask out a different girl every night to make himself feel free and available and just testing the waters and surely not committing. and your typical female would keep it to herself but would write about it in her jounal and wonder. and those wonderings she would "treasure in her heart." then they'd break up and she'd be heart-broken and he'd just get taked about behind his back for being an ass to women and she'd beat herself up for believing, even a little bit, that he was a good guy because of some stupid dream.

but it worked for Janet and Jerry and i loved that about them. "Janet, Jerry's on line one." It always made me smile.

"Did you dress up for JerBear today or for me," she whispered in my ear.
"For JerBear, Janet."

The Current conference at church has officially begun. I had resident meetings all day which went great except for when i returned from the funeral sobbing. but i calmed down after getting overwhelmed about being a part of a church which such a legacy of saints. I've never been at a church that revered it's history so much and treasured it's saints. I can name those who have gone before me at First Baptist and i never even knew them. that's a legacy. that's community. those are men of God. i can't wait to meet the saits of our present and watch them, men and women, grow in God and go make a difference in the world. Will i get to, is the question...

the highlight of the last few days is seeing my friends who are also in my program: Cody, Rachel, Kevin, Todd and Charles. And LeAnn who already "graduated" showed up tonight too. So that's fun, to catch up, laugh, cry, lament and dream.

I love dreaming.

Except when the dreams are bad or tell you you're going to marry someone. Then I just get cranky. Keep it subtle God or keep it to yourself. And psychie - if that's you in there. Cut it out. You've failed me before.

Take me back to the flowers and angels dream. That was nice. Prepare some good ones for us Jerry for when we get up there to join you. My favorite color is red...


Anonymous said...

Love happens, but you have to be open to it happening and let go of the negativity in your heart. Believe that God created man and woman to be good, and to be good to each other. If you're not, all men will always be jerks and your dreams may not be about flowers and angels, and you will carry too much saddness and negativity in your heart, and it will beat you down. It's a cycle that is easy to get into, but it's a cyclye you can get out of and never have to return to. Negativity is can be a disease, which means it can be treated.

In the meantime, this good friend (one that likes to think he's not a jerk) will pray that you dream of flowers and angels.

-Hot Dog

Anonymous said...

Hot Dog also promises to use spell check and grammar check the next time he decides to preach to you about shedding negativity...

-Hot Dog

Ann said...

dear hot-dog, surely you can understand hyperbole. i use male/female sterotypical humor to often make light of how i feel: sad for janet and exhausted from the work day. ps - the flowers and angels had to do with death too you know. only it was my blessing on jerry.

yesterday the sky was blue and it was warm and beautiful. today the sky is grey and it's chilly. i'm feeling great today (and had moments of greatness yesterday), and now I get a couple hours off to sleep before heading back to church. my friends are visiting the austin museums, but i need a nap.

Anonymous said...

aw ann. i like your post. it was great and made me cry.....because i'm a cry-baby. and what hot dog said was right on target!!! love is so weird how it happens at the craziest times when we're least expecting it.

i'm sure you remember how goofy aaron and i were we in our awkward "courting" period. i could have NEVER guessed that we would EVER date, much less ever get MARRIED. remember how he used to hump everyone's leg at buzzards. how could you take THAT seriously! but eventually something clicked and we just went with our insticts and what happened was greater than we could have ever wished for ourselves or each other. it will happen to you too.

we know 3 or 4 married couples who are all going through divorces right now. it's so sad to see how hard it is on them. i think it takes two incredibly strong people to maintain a healthy marriage and i think you'll find that after you become happy with yourself, others will see your happiness, and everything will fall into place.

or at least start dreaming about THAT. after rereading it, it does seem like a fairy tale doesn't it. :)

have a good day!! what are you doing this weekend?? aaron and i want to go to the carosel on saturday to see that band that was at alysa's birthday party. they were cool.

Anonymous said...

I understand hyperbole...often 'accused' of it myself. The pervasiveness of this stereotypical humor (theme) subsequently makes it difficult for us to distinguish between hyperbolic humor and unhealthy anguish.

Sorry if my comment on romantic pessimism took away at all from the grievance...I certainly did not intend that.

-Burnt Dog

lynnette said...

i think you are one of the saints of the present. peace to you.

Michelle said...

Amen Lynette, Amen.

Anonymous said...

agreed, but i have a sneaking suspicion that that description wasn't hyperbole. and that's okay. even saints let the bastards have it every now and then.